Money Saving Testimonials from the Rich and Famous and Made-Up

Recession filling your wallet only with those flies that fly out of a wallet when you are bone-poor in a cartoon? Why not let these successful celebs give you tips on how to stretch those last remaining dollars! Question mark!

#3:  “I’m cutting my brothers out of my will! More for Steve!” —Stephen Baldwin

#38:  “I’m saving 26 bucks a day just by poop-milking my own civet!” —Julia Roberts

#26:  “My babyswool socks only need to match the hue of my shirt, not the pattern! Also (#57), the charity I’ve started to feed my perverse sartorial pecadilloes– Shave The Children–  is a wicked awesome tax dodge!” —Mark “Markus Mark” Wahlberg*

#14:  “I replaced my maid, gardener, and preschool teacher with a bag of lye, my grandmother, and a roomba respectively.” —Judd Hirsch

#87:  “I’ve stopped treating my diabetes! Fuzz glass garble pocket!” —Tony Danza

#14A:  “Wait. My coffee table! It’s been dissolved by lye!” —Also Judd Hirsch

#105:  “Fuck Bus Passes– I skitch!” —A Backwards Hat Wearing Al Gore, Trying To Make Enviromentalism Cool

#65:  “Where in the Bible does it say you have to tithe cash? Think Father’s Day– coupons motherfucks! This one is for one free suspension of disbelief. This one is good for a crucifix foot massage and anointing combo pack. This one is for breakfast in bed. Ooh! A Sacrificial Offering! Ask for one firstborn son and get a thirdborn daughter for free! …Hold on to that one.” —The Lady Who Played Helen On Wings

#14B:  “Well that’s ok. My Roomba will pick it up. Oh God!” —Still Judd Hirsch

#43:  “I’ve started bringing my lunch from home.” —Matthew Lillard

Q: Don’t they have craft services on movie sets?

A: Yeah, but we get fired if we eat the merchandise.

#14C:  “Oh God! If only I had understand the concept of respectivity better! Also gardening!” —Disgraced Former “Best Dad in the World” Sweatshirt-Designee Judd Hirsch

 

 

*Mister Wahlberg and his attorneys were quick to add that, ultimately, this is about the devestating affliction that is Juvenile Hirsuiteness, and that “the work we’re doing with those Mexican Werewolf Kids is just as rewarding as my matching First Haircut Z-Cavarrichi and Calvins outfit.”

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