Why We’re Cheating

Why ARE We Cheating??

+ Natural consequence of getting drunk on a plane; altitude agitates the blood, inflates the wiener.

+ Favorite uncle died, remembered the whole mortality thing.

+ Don’t remember: woke up with dick in my mouth, amnesia.1

+ Trying to impress neighbor kid.

+ Found someone WAY better.

+ Roleplay, pictures, non-participatory live sex shows, not even sophisticated animatronics can slake thirst for young boys. I mean, attractive women-of-age.

+ Sociopathy.

+ Had never before been complimented, desired.

+ Only way to break out of temporal feedback loop, end Arbor Day (Groundhog Day sequel).

+ A ghost told me to.

+ Took “Sexual Healing” too literally, confused it for a health care plan.

+ Freak ‘Naked Twister’ accident.

+ 29/83-and-3-months life crisis.

+ On divine mission to sow oats, sperm; must not disappoint God.

+ Deeply unhappy marriage, shitty kid just not doing it for me anymore.

+ Need to wipe that look off of Lance Armstrong’s smug face: will resort to sexual reproduction in order to win. (Cancer only).

+ Don’t blame me– blame the government! Stupid mandatory half-hour lunch, two 15 minute breaks per 8 hour shift.

+ Hand transplant has a mind of its own– and it”s hijacked my mouth and dick/cunt!

+ Somehow caught Reverse-AIDS and have medical dispensation from the CDC.

+ Spouse is a country singer and I really want him/her to win a Grammy or whatever country people get.

+ But I’m so good at it! And need to share my gift with the world! (Hips thrusting side-to-side)!/.



1“Whgrr Mmf Aghhi?”


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