Why ARE We Cheating??
+ Natural consequence of getting drunk on a plane; altitude agitates the blood, inflates the wiener.
+ Favorite uncle died, remembered the whole mortality thing.
+ Don’t remember: woke up with dick in my mouth, amnesia.1
+ Trying to impress neighbor kid.
+ Found someone WAY better.
+ Roleplay, pictures, non-participatory live sex shows, not even sophisticated animatronics can slake thirst for young boys. I mean, attractive women-of-age.
+ Had never before been complimented, desired.
+ Only way to break out of temporal feedback loop, end Arbor Day (Groundhog Day sequel).
+ A ghost told me to.
+ Took “Sexual Healing” too literally, confused it for a health care plan.
+ Freak ‘Naked Twister’ accident.
+ 29/83-and-3-months life crisis.
+ On divine mission to sow oats, sperm; must not disappoint God.
+ Deeply unhappy marriage, shitty kid just not doing it for me anymore.
+ Need to wipe that look off of Lance Armstrong’s smug face: will resort to sexual reproduction in order to win. (Cancer only).
+ Don’t blame me– blame the government! Stupid mandatory half-hour lunch, two 15 minute breaks per 8 hour shift.
+ Hand transplant has a mind of its own– and it”s hijacked my mouth and dick/cunt!
+ Somehow caught Reverse-AIDS and have medical dispensation from the CDC.
+ Spouse is a country singer and I really want him/her to win a Grammy or whatever country people get.
+ But I’m so good at it! And need to share my gift with the world! (Hips thrusting side-to-side)!/.
1“Whgrr Mmf Aghhi?”