Why I Can’t Get Over You

Why I Can’t Get Over You


$ An accrued immunity to booze, pills

$ Haven’t had sex in two years

$ What You Can’t Have = (What You Can Have)1/2*[4/3(Missed Opportunities + Blown Chances) / Moments Seized] / (# People Slept With/Age)

$ You’ve planted your feet and I already have 5 personals

$ You ate my leg, capsized my ship, are filled with sperm that should rightfully be mine

$ Diagnosed RCIBPD– Romantic Comedy Induced Borderline Personality Disorder

$ Mutual love of Turner, pants-suit-sort-of-things

$ Strained calf

$ Socialized into a culture of idealized romance and all-consuming erotic regret, live-in nostalgic desire

$ Was wronged while alive and cannot ‘cross over’ until satisfaction received

$ You can only climax ‘reverse cowgirl’1

$ Q-tip can’t quite reach medial temporal lobe

$ Have become unstuck in time

$ Am an abuser

$ A ghost warned me not to

$ Stockholm Syndrome– can’t bear to leave Sweden23

$ Still flossing you from my backmost teeth

$ Nose just passed by the head of someone who uses apple shampoo

$ Zeno’s Paradox

$ You were The One (Jet-Li exes only)

$ Recovering from stroke, re-learning my own stupid life

$ Recovering from stroke, nanomachines that clean clotted blood from my stupid brain won’t let me

$ Recovering from stroke, haven’t wiped up yet

$ Your tasteful nude/boudoir calendar still hangs in my veranda: it will always be 2003 in my heart, all over my hands

$ Lucrative contract for anti-narcolepsy drug contingent on continued ability to convert relived ‘missed opportunities’ into insomnia and en-capsule it

$ Our song was the National Anthem

$ 40, fat, and balding: running out of chances

$ Had spell put on me, now Screamin’ Jay Hawkins’s

$ Fucking Thetans!

$ On death bed, don’t want to

$ These Stupid Things (Remind Me Of You)*




1Sorry, that’s “Why I Can’t Get On Top Of You”

2Alt. “Contracted Stockholm Syndrome from wearing Nobel Prize without shirt”

3Alt. Alt. “Contracted Stockholm Syndrome from dirty Nobel Prize”


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