In Soviet Russia, Yakov Smirnoff does a hack impression of you (as, nested inside the folds of his mind, there still exists a to-scale and sub-nano mini-version of the ex-empire). Although physically real, it is manifest exactly as he remembered it, portrayed it, to spec except now he is King.
You Are The Protagonist: Yakov Smirnoff Edition
Except now his thumb directs traffic to the gulags.
Except now his visage fronts flags, his hands hold childrens’
Except now when he makes your impression, his impression makes you.
Absolute control: in that tumoric corner/that polypy province of his brain: He is the protagonist.