Why We’re Binge Drinking

 

Why ARE We Drinking To Excess?

@  Last ditch cure for son’s gayness.

@  In order to unleash charming-cum-monstrous demi-self.

@  A visceral hatred of the backwards alphabet.

@  Are Egyptian slaves, do not get eatin’ bread.

@  Desperately trying to enjoy live baseball.

@  Vomit contest.

@  Trying to work up the courage to cheat on spouse.

@  Didn’t want 11 remaining beers to get lonely.

@  Inventor trying to invent exciting new smells/textures and colors poop can be.

@  Scraped throat– need to clean wound.

@  Amateur Fire Breather, do not yet have access to Pros-only catalogue.

@  Genuinely love the taste of hops.

@  Have very specific instructions from parents’ genetic blueprint: must follow.

@  Trying to fit in with the cool homeless.

@  Need to steady nerves for big blood test. (The irony!)!/.

@  Tough hepatic love; desire to show hippocampus “who’s boss”.

@  Bored.

@  Require hydration to live.

@  7:52 AM and I’m not allowed  to drink at work.

@  Must change life (or die).

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