Tea:   Hot, Dirty Water!

V8:   (Are We Referring to the Engine or the Anti-Leaning Tomato-Based Beverage) Let Your Mouth Decide!

Brie:   It tastes like cum smells!

Hypervigilant White Liberalism:   Backwhuh? Wholash?

Androids:   Human Robots, sans Daft Punk!

Soong-Type Androids:    Like People, But Amberer!

Sleep:   Free Sneak Preview of Death– Tonight from 1:08-5:33; 5:35-6:47 AM!

Suicide:   Have It Your Way!

Atheism:   It’s ‘The Case’!

Atheism:    Spoiler Alert!

Jelly:   What Are You Even Thinking– Jam Exists!/, Preserves!

Atheism:   Squirt Blood Tears, Jackie Paper!

Health Care Reform:   Just Think Of It As A “War On Brain Tumor Induced Bankruptcies”

R.E.M. Sleep:   Tired Eyes— Your Jittering Face Computer!

Sleep:   (Un)Dress Rehearsal For The Grave

Asthma:   Don’t Inflame Your Alveoli (To Spite Your Bronchi)!

Emphysema:   Spare the Alveoli, Spoil the Respiration System!

Asthma:   X-Treme Bronchial Seizing!

Emphysema:   Seizing is Fleeting, Hacking Forever!

Asthma:   Who is Emphysema? Old, Fat Smokers Who Look Gross and Smell Gross. Emphysemans– Who Needs Them?

Superfecundity:   Mix & Match

Taffy:   Just Chew It

The Name “Brian”:   Let Dyslexics Think You’re Smart1

Taffy:   And Chew It.

Staring:   A Mental Picture Is Worth A Thousand Yards

Taffy:   And chew it.

The Name “Brian”:   You’ll Never Be Cryin’ With A Name Like Brian

Androids:   Robots– Now With Fully-Functioning Boners!

Soong-Type Androids:   Like People, But Amberer, And Super Magnanimous About It After You Are Forced To Try To Enslave Them But Then Fail By The Skin Of Your Teeth!

Running:   Walk Faster

Hearing:   Sound’s Good To Me!

Trauma:   It Just Adds Up!

R.E.M. the Band:   It’s Music!

Reverse Condoms:   All Is Full Of Love!




1Disclaimer: That’s not how Dyslexia works.


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