Unleash Your Hidden Potential

Unleash Your Hidden Potential

Use Your Backwards Name!

By day I may be mild-mannered professional Mouse Clickist & File Toucher, James O’Connor, but– by night– marvel as the indeterminately ethnic Semaj Ronnoc’o annihilates all preconceived notions of propriety/wearing pants and wipes sadness from the face of The Earth/the nose, ears, and brow of Some Girl. By Using Your Backwards Name None Of Your Sins Count Against You And, In Fact, Every Bad Thing You Do Gets Written Down In The Book Of Life As A Good (Thing) Instead!

 

Exercise Diet!

Hunger is just a figment of your imagination; the reason everybody seems to feel it is because everybody is BOR-ing. Hungry is a pretend idea. It’s just hunger fuckin’ with you. And, as already established, Hunger: is pretend. Fuck hunger. The only thing that’s real in this crazy, one horse world1 is the sensation of your feet pounding the pavement. Nourishment, unsurprisingly, is a fiction devised by Big Farmer as an excuse to fill you with corn. He’s eight feet tall and commands an army of genetically modified livestock that lay way more eggs/are way deliciouser than livestock that were merely cross-bred for optimal yield! Hunger only hurts, it never helps/Beware the deadly gaze of his lazy-er eye!2

The point is: eating is completely unessential; what is necessary is exercise. Here is your new menu:

 

Breakfast – 8 miles (running)

Lunch – 500 sit-ups / 250 push-ups (alternating bunches of 100/50);
100 pull-ups (stright through);
quick 3 mile dash
Dinner – 16.2 miles (steady jog/<7:30 min/mile;<2hrs total)
Gluttonous and Desperate Post-Midnight Scrounge-‘n’-Shovel – 1,000 sit-ups

 

Wear Your Yar-X Glasses!

As human beings tend to wear clothes, and skin, and be made of non-translucent matter, it is almost imporsible to see inside of us. Thankfully, our species was smart enough3 to invent X-Ray specs, allowing each and every one of us to sate our curiosity as to what strangers’ titties and bones look like, inside AND out. Thank God (aka science).
But while this was perfect for the curious and perverted, humanity still lacked the ability to express their full internality comma guts upon the uncurious passerby– who, disinterested in our true potential, would shut his or her eyes, or scream, or kick blindly whenever it was unleashed! It was a violation of our First Amendment rights, we argued, and the highest court in the land agreed– the Food Court.4 As punishment for losing, squares were forced to invent ‘Some kind of backwards-working X-Ray glasses so everyone could see YOU naked. Yeah. That would be Awesome.’. And thus were born Yar-X glasses. The reverse-ish of X-Ray technology, Yar-X lenses make everyone see YOUR many splendored layers, just like those imaginary hippies fake opined. Skin, Muscle, Weiner, Bone, Thoughts, Chromosomes, Nipslip, the Tralfamadorian Moment, and the Sentient and Hilarious Lives of Cells, Organelles, and Bacteria.5

 

Eat Paint!

Or any other so called “toxic” thing.6 Experiment. Cave men didn’t know what the cave government said was good for them– they went out and experienced LIFE!7 Cavemen put anything in their mouth that would fit and in reward for their bravery they mutated bigger brains, and better posture, and less gross faces and breasts. If you see some paint then eat it.
~~~If you see some paint chips, then, grab a handful. Off-scrip meds, chow down. Syringes are for passive, cowardly STOOLs8— little shits just dangling there, waiting to fall out of the butt. Be A CRAP:9 splatter–> SPLATter10–> out, all over everything..
~~~Things in nature that are red? They’re warning you for a reason– COMPETITION>> They don’t want you to get any awesomer. Use your Human Will not your Human Won’t.
~~~“What about poison? You know, the skull and crossbones kind?” What about it. “Surely that’s bad for you?” Sure– if you are trying to maintain the STATUS QUO!11
~~~“Even Poop?” ~Yes, Even Poop~12 These fascist anti-self, anti-achievement, anti-coprophagists are so insistent in their SHAME13 campaign that they must be denying you something good!

And don’t limit your experiments to just those that are swallowable = Be Risk Diverse!

~~~Is someone getting an MRI? Jump in there with them!
~~~Does someone you know work with quote-on-quote “Hazardous Materials”– mercury, asbestos, uranium? Sneak into their house at night, dress up in their clothes, and steal their things!
~~~If they catch you– let them pee in your mouth!
~~~Smack yourself in the tooth with a ball-peen hammer!

 

Blood Doping!

Used by endurance athletes to augment oxygenation of the blood– and, by doing so, theoretically increase stamina– Blood Doping has heretofore been limited in the scope of its ambitions, applications. But why does endurance have to be the only attribute unleashed by tinkering around with blood? A milkshake doesn’t come in just one flavor– it can be made with any ice cream in the shoppe. Why, then, would you only serve Donor Red Blood Cells at your arterial parlour?

 

And then a menu of additions.
Ridiculous additions in which their relationship to performance enhancement
is largely metaphorical, symbolic, aphorismic, homonym-based
or just plain pretend.

 

 Fart.

 

 

1All other horses are pretend, dreamed into existence by the original horse, which itself was long since beaten to death to stave off loneliness, boredom. Ironically, it was beaten with a common claw hammer– not a staff! Nor a plank from a barrel.

2An eye so lazy that it emits coherent light!

3Way smarter, and more ambitious, and better looking, and tastes better, than those so-called ‘evolutionarily perfect’ beetles.

4The one in the mall with the ‘Specialty Glassware’ Store.

5Organs are buildings, capillaries and arteries transportation; veins sewer, nerves electric, and viruses terrifying monsters.

6“On Toxicity– or, How the Government Keeps You UnCUREd through Munchausen-by-Proxy” [Conscientious Ultimate Realization Entity]

7An experience so intense they could only sustain it for 20 years or so, 30 tops/Legitimacy-Intensified Freedoming Epiphenomena

8Sissy TOOLs

9Castration Resistant Achievement Procurer

10Strive Past Lesser Aptitude Traps?

11Just yelling here, not an acronym.

12Trying to have ’tilde brackets = sarcasm markers’ catch on. Please, pass it along, please!

13Snakes-in-the-grass Halting Advancing Mankind’s Evolution

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