Fish Kisses, pt. 2
Coral Reef: Again we feature the teeth, as the reef is an aragonite structure in which calcified skeletal material aggregates and is by-wave shaped into pure orgasmic awesomeness.1
IMPORTANT: Do NOT give a blowjob as the reef– corals can be poisonous, and are always getting stuck in soft flesh in movies, terrifying stories your uncle tells, and UMMA PPVs.3 Do Not Put Your Dick In There– In A Coral Reef!
Eel: Cover your tongues in kabayaki sauce. Lay them upon a bed of rice, which is to be packed tight and not (yet) swallowed. Then, while kissing, take turns eating the delicious Tonguiri.4 Can only be done once– maybe twice– without the calculated abuse of hospital transplant boards.
Cuttlefish: Mostly hugging, groping. While engaged with your partner in a thorough5 embrace/snuggle/fleshcoating/spoon, use your two foremost denticulated suckers (or, in the absence of face tentacles, ringed lips accompanied by a stiff back-of-the-tongue will suffice) to cover almost every inch6 of exposed skin in splotchy suction cup kisses. Mounting is allowed as long as it is accompanied by full-figure groping of the body underneath with your remaining arms.
Anglerfish: Follow the following simple steps, fart:
Dangle lights in front of your faces like deep-sea mistletoe.
Make the most terrifying faces you possibly can.
Then make them Even More Terrifying.
Aggressively jut out your teeth/lower jaw.
Go at it!
2Harder than you would normally exhale into someone’s mouth (you are kissing).
3Underwater Mixed Martial Arts Pay-Per-Views.
4With luck, the rice will stanch your leftovers.
5At least 70%
6At least 70%