Listless

In the supermarket, listless and drifting dawdlers.

Pianos all over the world have been struck Lisztless after an unfortunate series of Time Travel mishaps erased the noted composer from the Polaroid of Life.

KISS vocalist and revered banterologist, Paul Stanley, is in stable condition this morning after being rushed to the hospital for an emergency lispectomy. A spokesman for the band is reporting that though the Starchild is expected to make a full recovery, there is a 90% chance that he will return lispless.

“You can’t touch this / I grip my rod so hard it be slipless // Like when I bass fish / baitin’ so much crank that I’m lipless” – MC Stupid Hat With Lures On It, “The Masta Baita”

RED ALERT! RED ALERT! CONDITION OMEGA!! ALL LANDS’ END EMPLOYEES TO SECTOR ZERO FOR DEBRIEFING– DODGEVILLE, WISCONSIN HAS BEEN COMPROMISED BY L.L. SPIES!!!!

Yo, I’m Pretend Fake L.L. Cool J. I used to flash mad cash, as evidenced in that one video where I’m looking at a bunch of strippers — But Now I’m Rolling In A Different Kind Of Dough! Pies’ Dough! Come down to L.L.’s Pies where Ladies Love Sweet, Piping Icing Exiting SnaGoddammit, Eric! Wrong Card! Wrong Card! Dammit.1

L.L’s Pies: Mama said Knock You Out… With Robust Clumbs of Local Fruits and Berries! Whether it be Blueberry, Raspberry, Blackberry, Marionberry, Strawberry Rhubarb, Cherry, Gooseberry, Lingonberry, Loganberry, Another Obscure Berry, Apple– SHIT, Eric! That’s a list! Awwww, Fuckin’… fuck!

L.L.’s Pies– available at a supermarket near you.2

 

 

1“Doin’ It” – ed.

2F-ffffff-fffffff-ffffff-ffff-art.

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