Heroes of Productivity/VLF

Heroes of Productivity, #28: Infectious Work Ethic

They come back to work early, still fighting that hip-deep bronchial cold / animal-specific flu / top-of-the-line superbug. Too important to make it a three-day weekend, they make a quick cameo Friday morning and, by the time they’re gone, they’ve infected us all. They’re the Johnny Appleseed of hard, dark phlegm pips, the Harriet Tubman of mucus liberation, and the That Fertility Doctor Who Impregnated All The Ladies In That One Town With His Own Soft Batch of wanting to throw-up all rolled into one. Davy Crockett.1


Somewhere there is a Virus Liberation Front to which they must belong: some (self-)interest group, some identity sect that places the lives of viruses on equal phaging with human beings, if not a capsid higher (to compensate for the dominant culture’s callous disinterest in other cultures). Their strident and incorruptible belief in their cause evidenced in the motto, seen half-raised, flagging, on protest signs carried from wheeled sickbeds, “The only fair deal is an immunocompromise”

          And in their heroic bid for empathy/solidarity, they’ve done just that– going out of their way to immunocompromise themselves, dashing their white counts against the figurative breakers of…
+ Crashing neighborhood Chicken Pox parties
+ Shooting bootleg sequels to pornographic phenomenon Blowjob Contest: The Movie, entitled Blowjob Contest 2 Raw 4 Hep C, Blowjob Contest 6: Acquired Immuno Deficiency Suck-a-thon, and Blowjob Contest After-Party: Hoboes In Vagina.
+ Hunting werewolves unprotected in a vain and confused bid to contract lupus.
They’ve even stopped going to get needles jabbed in their ki-holes; they are taking this shit SERIOUS.


Evangelical, they proliferate their cause by coughing directly in to the mouths and eyes of passersby. Unselfishly sharing their infection collection through every fat one honked into our food or water supply.

Or air, if they’re in a bathysphere.





1Poop, I think. Just not sure how…



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