Stupid Pneumatic Boot

S T U P I D P N E U M A T I C B O O T !

Give a cripple a rounded heel to walk/fall backwards down the busstairs on? Stupid Pneumatic Boot!

 

Utilize a pump-tightened system of bladders for maximally snug fit while providing no way to gauge constriction save ‘sense of touch’– knowing full well that the vast majority of users have busted feet/ankles that have been, as a result, desensitized to pressure until it manifests as ‘excruciating pain’? Stupid Pneumatic Boot!

 

Inflame my alveoli and fill my lungs with water and phlegm, rendering every [stupid] breath a surprisingly expectoration-based kettle drum recital (some real avant garde, deep Con shit)? Isn’t it hard enough to keep my ankle stationary without adding hork-rich cough-fits to the mix? Stupid Pneumonic Boot

 

Bracco’s Orbs Often Titillate? Stupid Mnemonic BOOT!

 

+1 to Dexterity, an additional +1 for saving throws against Illusions, and the ability to speak to burrowing mammals? My foot’s broken, I’m not RPing Redwall– when the hell am I going to use that? Stupid Gnomatic Boot!

 

How are you supposed to help me walk when you’re hunkered down on the tundra in an oxskin lean-to, living off a subsistence diet of lichens, half-frozen beetle larvae, and tail hair? Stupid Nomadic Boot!

 

Cash My Check, Bank Witch! Stupid Pneumatic Tube!

 

Let me get this straight– I’m supposed to fake the hand-off, then waggle outside the tackle boxes before even starting my reads? And do all this while pistoning up-and-down for no apparent reason? That shit ain’t foolin’ nobody! Stupid Pneumatic Boot!

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