You should give the tickets to me because I am easily The Goats’s biggest fan as evidenced by this list I made up:
– I always open my bags of cereal, oatmeal canisters, milk cartons, and turkeys-to-stuff with two hands.
– Instead of hyper tension I have dis tension.
– My favorite letter was capital O well before both the ascendancy of Barack Hussein Obama and That Ridiculously, If Confusingly, Hot Older Lady From The Overstock.com Ads
– My favorite facial expression is “the Gape”.
– My favorite Hanna Barbara character is Grape Ape (it sounds similar to gape?)
– My favorite episode of Freaks & Geeks is “The Garage Door”
– My favorite epic poem is The Iliad.
– Every time I go to Blockbuster I always end up renting Dead Alive.
– I refuse to ride in orange convertibles.
– My geographically inexplicable favorite team is the New England Patriots, a love which is explic’d by their unparalleled execution of the Spread offense.
– My home page is still Stile Project.
– I’m pen pages with Matt Miller.
– Rhonda Clarke has a Lifetime Restraining Order against me for the threatening message board posts and mean-spirited YTMNDs I wrote about her. I am not allowed to come within 1000 feet of her home, 500 feet of her childrens’ school, or manipulate or post her image in any viral fashion.
– Every January 14th— after pouring one out for Louie Carroll/Ray Kroc [you choose]– I set up a mirror in front of my mirror and find my inner light.
– I have a tattoo around my navel. It is of hands.
– I haven’t felt a poop since 2001.
PLEASE GIVE ME THE TICKETS,