Three Limericks I Submitted to the OEDILF (and One I Didn’t)

(A pretty fucking rad idea: http://www.oedilf.com)

 

 

Jake the Snake accidentally begat,

Driving back a foe’s face to the mat.

And though the meaning’s unknown,

From your cracked collarbone,

My best guess would be “Didn’t Deserve That”1

 

 

Defense against America’s beefs,

Enumerated by the Joint Chiefs:

Five numbers to measure

Concern and displeasure;

ON 1 it’s time to launder your briefs.2

 

 

In the wake of the great conflagration,

There appeared no hope for hydration.

So, armed with a branch,

Their thirst they did stanch

On the prize of their grand divination.

 

 

“Under a delusion you labor,” you prick,

“To think that one could find water with a stick!”

But it suits me just fine–

Night and day I divine

And when I get thirsty I go suck a dick![?].

 

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1“A wrestling move, said to have been invented by Jake “the Snake” Roberts, in which one falls backwards for the purpose of slamming an opponent’s grasped head into the ground.

Any meaning ascribed to the acronym is likely ex post facto.” – additional information

2Slightly less shitty half-or-one-third rhyme version:

Defense readiness does America seek

Enumeration of by the Joint Chiefs:

Five numbers to measure

Concern and displeasure–

ON 1 time to launder your briefs.

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