Rejected Olympic Events

Rejected Olympic Events, part one?

Semafloor1

Triathalon2

5 Yard Dash3

The Catapult4

The Even Bars5

The Pole Dance6

The Bearded Lady7

Lie-off8

Lay-off9

Lay-off-off10

Off-lie-lay-up-off11

Off-off12

Offal-offal13

Awful-off14

Knife Fight15

Ice Sliding16

Curling17

Curling Up18

Crueling19

Snowball Fight20

Hot Cocoa Contest/Speed Sipping21

Chair Lift Exit22

Tow Rope Race23

Snowgazing24

Snowgrazing25

Skee Ball26

Ski Ball27

Ski Ball28

Luge Vert29

Poker30

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1Part ribbon dance, part communiqué

2Skiing, Shooting, Riding Bikes

3And they’re off. To the showers.

4Pairs’ Siege still under consideration

5Just sort of hanging there, deflated

6feat. The 20 Foot Watusi and The Sky Worm

7Exotic, Erotic, Beguiling No Wait Boring And Gross

8Lying Contest

9The Olympic The Games– “That was a gold medal neg right there, Bob” “No doubt, Keith. And his Kino is impeccable” “Hypnotism”

10“You’refiredyou’refiredyou’refiredyourpositionisnolongeravailablessyourheartbutwecan’taffordtokeepyouanymoreductionsinbudgethaveforcedustomakecutstothepayrollonoutofhereduced”

11Very specific golf skills competition

12feat. The John Henry of DEET

13Intestinal Milkshakes (pronounced in-tes-TINE-al)

14Rejected Olympic Events, part two [sad face]

15Reason: too Argentinian-biased

16Stocking Feet / On Sock-ed Feet [tie]

17feat. The World’s Most Disgusting, Crinkled Biceps / feat. Feet (Sex Toes)?

18 Pairs’ Napping → Pear Snapping (Best first bite Wins)

19Vicious: Humanity’s Finest Genomic Clumps, Hitting Each Other With Flowers

20Reason: too Awesome

21Reason/feat. = Scalded Uvulae

22Daring Dangling Leg-Breaking Pathos

23Weapons allowed, hand-powered Mario Kart

24As Judged by Depths of Deprivatory Synesthesia (Listen! The Snow is Falling)

25To follow IMMEDIATELY AFTER Hot Cocoa Contest/Speed Sipping

26Past tickets purchases have spoiled Amateur status

27Like Polo, but awesome i.e. downhill, at murder speed

28Like Prom, but awesome i.e. downhill, at murder speed

291,390% more dephalangelation than your comparable boarded vert

30Rostrum not rascal/fat-bike accessible; no longer 2005.

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