Affirmative

Daily Affirmations

or, Daily Halffirmations

or, Daily Ehffirmations

or, Eh

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One day we will all be dead, but– for most of us– it won’t be tonight while we sleep.

America’s standing in the world may have diminished, but not so much that you can’t get a fresh, delicious banana any time of the year for next to no money.

Plus-or-minus some blatant, but mostly unremarkable, disenfranchisement, even 2-George Bush followed electoral law, ultimately relinquishing power peaceably.

All The People You’ve Ever, Genuinely Been In Love With Are Still Alive (They Just Don’t Care About You Anymore)1

iPods!

Hey– you could have been a male wasp born in a fig! I mean, that’s not how genomes work, but still!23

I just had a boner/series of erections so hard that it halfway unzipped my (fucking) jeans from the inside. I was at work so I couldn’t do anything about it, but hey– Jailbreak!

The inevitable heat death of the sun guarantees all your mistakes will be short-lived.

Even carrots act like babies sometimes.4

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1Unless they’re dead, in which case they aren’t.

2They kill each other (all) to death until the last one gets all the pussy! (But it’s wasp pussy)!3

3Ew!

4What?

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