My Resolutions

– Get my measures straight: what exactly is it that I want, what precisely will I put up with1

– Justify more atrocities through creative semantics2

– Work abs, quads, by dancing around my empty apartment to “High Fidelity”3

– Spend greater ratio of time on Academic s?4

– Set all my clocks to “European” time5

– Spin around 3 times (with weird grammar)6

– Break the all time urination duration record7

– Open a Trendy Restaurant in Phoenix, Arizona8

– Finally combine my twin loves: play Batman for the Phantoms9

– Try to limit 2010 sex thoughts to 786,432 (2,154.6ish per day– be the Reggie Jackson of Not Thinking About Banging)10

– Don’t last-minute-scramble to put together a Halloween costume for once: wrap up my Osman I Coronation Garb with a week to spare11

– Time Travel Accident! On the cusp of the Battle of Elster, HRE Henry IV and Rudolf of Swabia find themselves teaming up to try to conquer a German nation still reeling from the after-effects of the First World War. They are, to a one, obliterated.12

– Begin Unix proselytization campaign where Sherman left off / After our long protracted, will-they-or-won’t-they romance, become– at long last– enspoused, Georgia’s glowing bride [TIE]13

– Hook up with, and deprogram, a brainwashed bear14

– Be less pathetic15




1Standards Definition

2Enhanced Definitions

3“High” Definition [?]






9800 x 600 (or DCCC x DC (or Derbyshire County Cricket Club x Detective Comics))

101024 x 768

111280 x 1024

121920 x 1080 (sort of similar to the last one (also: not really a resolution))

13UXGA / shroud in white and BEAMING

14(GASXW) Wide XGA

15For the love of God: Be Less Pathetic


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