Do you like it when I kiss you here? [kiss]

Yes. I do.

How much? [look]

Hm. Can you kiss me again there…

[kiss; look]

Yeah. That’s good.

How good, though?


[kiss while looking]

It’s better than a strawberry milkshake. But not as good as a rootbeer float.1

[kiss (while looking)]

It’s like chicken teriyaki, or Hawaiian fast food– tastes like macaroni salad and cabbage and densely packed rice.

[kiss, but quick & gentle]

It’s as good as the best Beverly Cleary. Clear, concise, and crisp like a time machine.

[kiss with superfluous ribstickling tongue]

It’s the Weird Al of kisses: not that funny, tries too hard, but you sort of like it anyways.

[kiss, mashed up but terse]

It’s rain– hard rain– car washing the windshields of the coffeehouse I’ve been sitting in for four hours while I sip a cold hot chocolate, or guava soda, and read. And look.

[kiss, slow and sincere]

It’s the eighth best place you can kiss me, the 12th best place you can put your mouth.

What’s #1?

Lip half on my ear, telling me all of your secrets.2

redacted; others: It’s better than the elliptical but not quite the stationary bike.

  • It’s better than network, but it’s still TV– not HBO.
  • It’s better than global warming but not worth ditching my car for.
  • It’s better than a punch in the face, much better.
  • It’s better than the last 80 minutes of Up, but not the first 10 minutes of Up.
  • It’s better than a Hot Pastrami, but it’s no Reuben: King of the Sandwiches.
  • It talks like Imperial Bedroom but walks like Blood & Chocolate
  • It speaks softly and drives a Sherman tank
  • It’s better than Midway, and it’s better than O’Hare. Fuck Chicago’s airports.
  • It’s better than Taco Bell, just about Chipotle.
  • An authentic mole, on the other hand…


2While you finger me until I cry.


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