Dumped dump

Whatever My Name Is and the Case of the Varied and Surprising Break-Up Side Effects

 

  • Irrational aversion to preparing dinner
  • Not breakfast. And not lunch for work.
  • Just meals I have to eat at home
  • And when I do go out to eat I only want to eat noodles
  • Or hot chocolate and a cookie
  • On the whole, a general breakdown of faith in the whole 3-meal system
  • Also I just don’t even want to be in this apartment a god damn second longer than I have to
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in podcasts
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in movies
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in the internet
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in pleasure
  • Gain of interest and pleasure in list bits
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in wearing fun underwear
  • Explosive productivity/unnerving goal-accomplishment (up between 500%-infinity%)
  • And overall, less ifs and more whens: 106 is an inevitability, and FMTs is def getting done. Aot90s is more up in the air given the knowledge gap/technological requirements, but I think I’m going to make a pass at The Reunion.
  • Feathermouth1
  • Intermittent bouts of an eerie, serene placidity
  • Followed by fits of measured and thorough analysis of the many possible in/actions that led to me becoming ‘no longer attracted to’
  • Smart money is on overuse of ostentatious/precious punctuation
  • Increased paranoia or confusion as to what aspects of my personality/looks are the problem (and which are the solution)
  • But also decreased interest in paranoia and confusion
  • Renewed interest in those songs that I wrote part of but don’t know how to actually make the guitar accompany them the way they should be accompanied in my head
  • And wrote half another one on the bus (that is pretty good)
  • Also I really like that other persons’s song “This Too Shall Pass Away” now2
  • Also “With Every Heartbeat”3
  • I would say in the scheme of Break-Up songs (Dumped category) they are pretty upbeat, reflect well on keeping a decent attitude about the whole thing
  • Ditto eating bell peppers
  • Equal and opposite reduction in collar shirts and jeans, uptick in dress pants with t-shirt plus-or-minus summer sweaters
  • A marked decrease in feelings (frequent to semi-constant) of desperation, resentment, abandonment, and insecurity
  • Supplanted by pangs (occasional, sharp) of irretrievable loss and a general sense of dislocation from every single person
  • Hotfoot4
  • Ambivalence towards inserting joke answers
  • The crushing need to get rid of my tv, video game machines, old clothes, and books
  • More outdoor running, less in-gym cycling; less upper/lower-body machines
  • More number two, less number one
  • I’ve become a very sweaty sleeper
  • Decreased anxiety at doing the unpleasant parts of my job (i.e. collections phone calls, phone calls in general, telling people what the deal is)
  • Increased anxiety at unpredictable intervals in tightly rippled waves
  • Calmer in general, though
  • Dramatically decreased interest in drinking (alcohol)
  • Dramatically increased interest in drinking (hot chocolate)
  • Masturbational Output: Halved-to-Quartered
  • Masturbatory Ouput: Sky Rocketing
  • Increased need for external validation
  • I finally got my computer fixed
  • Also made a dentist appointment, got a museum membership
  • Have been super diligent about shaving
  • Have not cleaned my apartment even a little, though
  • Also I found a pair of dress pants that had molded
  • As in they grew mold5
  • Have stopped untying my shoes (when I take them off)
  • Seeing pictures isn’t bad
  • But I double take at pretty much anyone on the street who is remotely similar looking
  • The parts with Lea Thompson in Back to the Future were a little tough
  • But nowhere near as tough as the juggling in Labyrinth6
  • And flossing gives a twinge
  • Continued interest in making recreationals with every single half-attractive girl I see
  • But increased overwhelm at the prospect of having to meet and know and find interest in someone
  • esp. in the context that all of that effort could get zeroed out a percentage of my life later
  • No moping
  • And only three tears
  • Lonelier, but just
  •  

 

1Mouth feathers

4‘Downtown Man’ -seeking

5That was a long time coming though… but wait: so was this!(!)!(!)! bleh

6The 30 minutes or so I had any patience for

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