A. I can’t fall asleep
A. I can’t fall asleep
B. unngh. Ghwuh, I. What?
A. I can’t fall asleep
B. Yes you can.
A. No, I can’t.
B. Prove it.
A. I am.
B. Sure, you’re awake now. But in six hours…
A. Six? That’s not fair.
B. You said you can’t fall asleep
A. I mean, can’t right now. Not can’t ever.
B. So what’s the problem then.
A. I can’t fall asleep.
B. … so, half hour? An hour?
A. I don’t know. There’s no way to tell.
B. Except you definitely know that it’s not six hours.
A. I’m not going to just lie here sleepless for six hours. If it gets to that point I’ll just give up.
B. Also in six hours you’ll have to have been at work for… 40 minutes or so.
A. Shit. Really?
B. Yeah.
A. Ugh.
B. So why not try and see if you can squeeze 4 hours out of it.
A. … I have been trying.
B. Well, try…
A. Are you going to finish that sentence or did you think better of it.
B. Thought better. But, seriously though.
A. What then. What is it that I should do.
B. Huh.
A. What are your best secret sleep strategies to help me conk right out
B. Hm. I always just fall asleep on my own. It’s really easy for me.
A. That’s not helping.
B. I know. It’s just. I don’t really have anything helpful to offer here.
B. Maybe, count sheep?
A. That doesn’t work.
B. Did you try it?
A. No. B-
B. Well, you can’t know unti
A. But I’ve tried in the past. On Christmas Eves. Or on the nights before we’d go to Water Country or Disney World. I’d get to the forties or fifties before the mental image would break down, become meaningless.
B. You were as excited for Water Country as Disney World?
A. Probably moreso.
B. You’re a weird kid you know that?
A. We didn’t have a pool!
B. Yeah. Well you also didn’t have a Teacups. Or a Thunder Mountain. Or a entire canon of costumed Disney characters.
A. …I like waterslides.
B. Aw.
A. What.
B. Weird kid.
A. If liking waterslides is weird then you are sleeping with but not asleep with the Crispin Glover of kids.
B. Weird. kid.
A. Don’t drift off on me!
B. Can’t. help it.
A. I’ve got ways.
B. No. I’m all. wore. out.
A. Not sex ways, sicko. I just mean I can keep waking you up each time you fall asleep.
A. Like with pinches. Or shaking. Or frenching.
A. Hey. HEY.
B. No.o.o.
A. You can’t sleep until I can sleep.
B. That’s not. acceptable.
A. You don’t have a choice. I’m your own private Guantanamo.
B. Bo.o. Atti. ca.
A. Count yourself lucky that it’s just deprivation and not angry dogs and hot fuck stacks.
B. Hot. fuck stacks?
A. Those nude pyramids
B. Ugh. Not cool.
A. I’m not the one who did them.  Take it up with Lynnie England, and just Lynnie England, and maybe a couple other bad apples, but nobody else.
B. No.o.o. Too late. for. politics.
A. And even if you definitely could take it up with a bunch of otherbody elses, we have to look forward, not backwards. Past is done. Punishing people isn’t going to change what’s already happened. Why bother? Except terrorists. And protestors.
B. I’m not a terrorist. Can I go to sleep please?
A. Don’t care. No.
B. Ugh.
A. Hug.
B. Is … this a stress position?
A. Just hugging on you. To keep you awake
B. I don’t think. It’s.
A. I just have to squeeze a little.
B. Wrrrk.
A. Aw. I squeezed a li’l ‘wrrk’ outta you.
B. Wark.
A. Hm. It’s not as good when it’s from concentration.
B. Wrrrrrk
A. Mm. Fresh squoze.
B. Stop. You’re making me hungry.
A. Maybe we should go to Denny’s.
B. No-o. To sleep. We should go to. sleep.
A. I can’t fall asleep.
B. Go to sleep.
A. I can’t.
B. If. you can’t. fall asleep. maybe you can. maybe I. I.
A. Hey
B. Mm?
B. nn.
A. Don’t make me pack you in an ice casket.
B. z.
A. Ugh. *shake*
B. Nnn.
A. ever forget my inability to sleep.
B. Serious. stop.
A. Just. I think I can get there. I , need your help though.
B. No you don’t. Just. do for yourself. what you.
A. Hey.
B. Yeah?
A. Please?
B. ok.
A. Finally.
A. I mean, thank you.
B. Yeah. well.
A. I just need you to talk me through it. I know it will work if you just, talk me throughit.
B. Ok. Well. You’re getting sleepy.
A. Not like a hypnotist.
B. Like what then?
A. I don’t know. Just , normal.
B. I don’t think. I’m capable of. of that. now.
A. But with a story. With a drift to it , that I can follow to sleep.
B. Like a lazy. river.
A. Yeah! Exactly like a stupid lazy river.
B. And this bed. is your. water. country.
A. I actually did fall asleep on one of those once.
B. You’ve excaped Guantanamo. You’ve.
A. At Water Country, even.
B. You’ve made it. to the , past Cuba. To , some own. private. spot.
A. It was towards the end of the day and I was young-ish, like 8 or 10,
B. all the sand is white. there.
A. and I must have been tired out
B. No. Black.
A. so about a quarter mile in the tube left the shade for the sun
B. It’s a lake now. In , New Hampshire.
A. and I had to close my eyes just to , block it.
B. Or, I guess. A river.
A. and I could still see the sun behind my eyelids, though
B. And you get in. your tube. and you start to. just. drift. out
A. it was just the color red , and sometimes pulses of neon green or red
B. The lake. or the river. takes your tube like a ride but there. isn’t one.
A. So I close them tighter, and tighter until , it doesn’t help. So I turn over
B. You’re just , at the , mercy. Of it. Of the river.
A. Not flip. Just. A sleeping position.
B. Or the lake.
A. And I fall asleep.
B. Time is also not certain.
A. It’s not deep , but it’s not shallow.
B. Later. you’re so much further down the river.
A. A sleep I can remember sleeping.
B. But other laters. not so. much.
A. Maybe I wasn’t even asleep.
B. At some point. there aren’t banks anymore.
A. Just tired. relaxing. content.
B. The river. the lake. opens up.
A. Not either. all of them.
B. The sun. it’s not in the sky anymore. but. it’s not dark.
A. The lazy river winds me around itself. I must do six laps.
B. the light doesn’t come from anywhere. but.
A. My parents , so scared. When I wake up
B. you can still. see . all of it.
A. I wake up to my name repeated. over and over.
B. You’re somewhere you’ve not ever been. Not on , the lake.
A. Over the loudspeaker. I recognize it.
B. Somewhere else. somewhere.
A. but by now. they’ve found me.
A. More angry than afraid.
A. Almost had it.


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