A. My heart runs fast because my diet is bad.
B. Not because of me?
A. No. I’m sorry.
B. Hm. If only I could be chocolate cake.
A. Yeaah. The dream that all humans share.
B. Being devoured and then remembered with regret.
A. Or shameful bliss.
B. Ah. The only kind.
A. Remember when you were young?
A. How old were you then.
B. Well, a bunch of ages, really.
A. No, not. When. You.
B. I empathize with your struggle; I will not marginalize your efforts.
A. … when you think of yourself as being young. When you remember your youth
B. OH. How old am I in those memories?
B. Well, there’s probably a bunch of different ones that might come up.
A. But most likely, most often.
B. 8. Or 13.
B. How about you?
B. That’s pretty much the range, I figure.
B. I guess 13 is pushing it a little.
A. Yeah. For me that’s what I think of when I think of that first attempt at adolescence.
B. Like, doing it?
A. Not “It”, per se. But a bunch of its. Little its I did.
B. Tits. Tiny its.
B. That didn’t happen for me until much later.
A. I know.
A. No. Not as such. Not necessarily.
B. It’s ok. I mean, 13 is also kind of a burn from where I’m sitting.
A. How so?
B. I mean, society privileges the fast learner, but. Not so much in this context, at that age, for you.
A. Societal burn.
B. The worst and only relevant kind.
A. 13 isn’t that young though.
B. That’s why it’s only kind of a burn.
A. It’s not 11.
A. Oh, 11.
B. What was great about then for you?
A. Huh. Honestly
A. at this point it’s hard to define.
B. Great– like, good stuff that happened.
A. Yeah. But I can’t, it’s not so much that there are segragatable memories
B. You shou
A. that I associate with 11, it’s more when I think of my youth I just always assume I’m 11. You know, within reason.
B. Not when you were 6 or 7.
A. Yeah. I just picture myself in an 11 way.
B. An 11 way.
A. It’s like being in a family way, except hopefully it’s not 100% like it.
B. Sad times.
A. I think I’m thinking what you are also
B. I wonder what that’s like.
A. Being an 11 year old mom.
B. People will agree, stipulate pretty quickly, that babies having babies is n.o.thanks
A. Ornate, but true
B. But, I mean
A. Obviously it’s the worst
B. Yeah sure
A. But beyond that, once it’s the case
B. If they’re in a healthful context
A. Healthy– healthful is for food, things you consume
B. I don’t care that much, and am willing to defer, but– are you not consuming your context? Doesn’t it nourish you?
A. Huh. I guess nourishing is healthful and not healthy as healthy is a state, but that context is in the state of being healthy.
B. The context might be healthy if it’s stable, and love exists; but how the context affects the person, wouldn’t that be healthful?
A. Hm. I think we both might be too dumb to parse this.
B. Agreed. Or, at least completely unqualified.
B. So, what were we talking about?
A. Babies having babies– the silver linings of.
B. Right, but, what was I going to say, exactly. The whole thing. Did you already know? In your head?
A. Hmm. Let me rewind. You were going to say that once it is the case that an 11 year old has a baby, is it the worst thing in the world– or, at least– let’s think about what that would be like in a non-judgmental way.
B. It’s tough because I assume in most cases the parents or grandparents or aunts/uncles just raise that kid’s kid for them until the kid is gradually old enough to take over more and more of their motherly duties. If they don’t have that healthful context, though…
A. Healthy context.
B. I’d like to see a sitcom– maybe animated– called Baby Mama, in which it is not about single mothers but instead an 11 year old mom.
A. So, wait. Is the baby-with-a-baby married? Did she marry the 12 year old she — well, they didn’t really fuck, I HOPE — but, well
B. Got insided by?
A. Yeah. Did they get married? And what was their ceremony like…
B. Baby Mama’s impregnator is away fighting in the war.
A. I think I’m more intrigued by the shotgun wedding of an 11 year old to her 12 year old first time caller.
B. But in the show, she doesn’t have that healthful context. But instead of being realistic it’s almost
B. No. I was going to say like Home Alone, but then remembered that they actually did sort of put that in a real context, like, insofar, where, Kevin had to do shopping and stuff, and come up with excuses.
A. Realistic excuses like a cardboard house party, or filthy animals, keeping the change.
B. Yeah. But in this, I just want it to be– I still want it to be realistic, I want Baby Mama to have to do real things — but no one questions it. And she doesn’t have a support system. And there is no such thing as DCYF.
A. But where does the money come from?
B. Baby Mama has a job.
A. So she doesn’t go to school?
B. No, not as such. But she has tapes– VHS tapes– and audio cassettes. She listens to them while stocking shelves. Or even in one ear while ringing people up.
A. A grocery store is probably a pretty good job for Baby Mama.
B. Yeah. I never even entertained another thought. It just wrote itself.
A. Did you say that Baby Mama’s Baby’s Daddy is in Afghanistan?
B. Iraq. Still. Though there is a good chance that that will soon change.
A. Coming home or getting transferred to Afghanistan.
B. His tour is up in 6 months, but it is increasingly likely that he will be extended and moved to the AfPak border region.
A. That’s supposed to be the most dangerous assignment. Especially for a 12 year old.
B. I mean, he’s a computers guy. So it’s not as bad.
A. Thank god.
B. But that’s also the trap– he’s a 6th grade kid controlling drones at a graduate level. Even if he doesn’t get moved to where his skills can best be developed and exploited, there’s still the chance that he gets moved to one of our ghost wars– Somalia, Yemen…
A. When you put it like that, it’s hard to figure he’ll ever get to come back
B. And that’s if he even wants to.
A. He probably didn’t want to be a father, you’re saying
B. What 12 year old does?
A. … I bet the effeminate ones.
B. That was rhetorical, but your answer makes me not mind at all.
A. If someone hasn’t put together a book collecting all the high quality answers to rhetorical questions, I’d be shocked.
B. You should do it!
A. Eh, but, how would you even research that?
B. You could make them up
A. I’m an ethical person, [B]
B. No, I know. In this situation you would just pitch it more like snappy answers to stupid questions. You know, fun bullshit.
A. In this show will he be 12 and will she be 11 forever?
A. It would have to be a cartoon then.
B. Yeah. Aesthetic wise I’m picturing more Chris Ware than Film Roman.
A. Oh. Sure. Of course.
B. Or Ivan Brunetti.
A. I think you just clinched it. This isn’t a tv show, it’s a comic book.
B. OH! Comic strip. Like, 4 panel.
A. To avoid lawsuits you should change the name. Also just because Baby Mama is overplayed.
A. I like Baby Mother.
A. I know.
B. Let’s be in love forever, Baby Mother.
A. O.k., … Chocolate Cake.