#179

A. Whenever I look at you I can see your 3rd grade picture.
B. … is that a question?
A. No.
B. oh.
A. You still look that way, mostly.
B. Really?
A. It’s all still there but more or less so.
B. How do you know
A. I can just tell – everyone can – it’s written all over your face.
B. Literally
A. Figuratively still. But close.
B. … I can’t tell with you.
A. No. You wouldn’t. I still look mostly the same but it doesn’t carry over.
B. How’s that?
A. My look, both then and now, is and was generic, blend-in.
B. You’re not generic.
A. In the face I am.
B. I like your face
A. I like my face, too. Say good things about my face.
B. I just did. We both did.
A. That was general, though. I want you to say nice things about it.
B. Uh… it’s
A. Specific.
B. Yeah. It… uh
A. What aspect of it makes you like it so much?
B. Well, you’ve got. A good smile.
A. How so?
B. It’s very , I like it.
A. Li
B. Your teeth – are there. It’s where – I kiss you.
A. And where – I kiss with, yes.
B. Yeah! And, it doesn’t smell bad.
A. That’s — does it smell good?
B. … Yes.
A. What does it smell like.
B. Kisses.
A.
B. … it smells like mouth.
A. But good mouth?
B. Regular mouth.
A. What’s tha–
B. Wet, stale. But hot? Occasionally ‘of mint’.
A. So what was it that made my smile so great — my teeth?
B. They’re very hard , y’know– and whitish?
A. At least as much ish as white.
B. Well I’ve never been one for purity.
A. Your favorite twin-based band is Gallic Red; they call you MISTER Cegeny.
B. Is Gallic supposed to be the opposite of Prussian?
A. Yes.
B. I would think it would be the opposite of … British.
A. Was that… pause for dramatic effect?
B. No, I just tried and failed to make an adjective Anglo
A. Anglic, an– oh.
B. Yeah.
A. What would be the opposite of Prussian then?
B. And you should have gone Franco if you wanted to go French
A. Because of the war.
B. Yeah.
A. Ok. Red Franco.
B. James and his bro! I bet they’re commies.
A. Or at least sympathizers!
B. How has this not happened yet?
A. Give it time.
B. He seems exactly the guy to decide workers’ folk songs are actually acceptable as  music.
A. I bet they could pull a Pete Seeger guest spot. If he’s still alive
B. I don’t think he’s still alive.
A. Helas pour YouTube.
B. What’s that?
A. Pity. Pity for it.
B. Oh.
A. But be honest with me– you ju
B. Always.
A. Sometimes.
B. Mostly
A. Often
B. Mostly.
A. Plurality,ly.
B. Majority. Ism.
A. That’s probably true.
B. Definitely.
A. No, we already did this game.
B. And how.
A.
B. What?
A. Nothing.
B. No, what?
A. You just reminded me of a book I read in sixth grade is all.
B. Yeah?
A. Yeah.
B. A third grade portrait and a sixth grade reading assignment. It’s almost as if you don’t respect me.
A. Childhood memories are the strongest memories.
B. Is that true?
A. I said it like it was.
B. You sure did, pal. You sure did.
A. don’t pat my head.
B. Sorry pal
A. Or my cheek. It’s almost as if you don’t respect me.
B. I love patting. I love your face. The combination is irresistible.
A. Is there a difference between patting a cheek and slapping? Am I being bet right now? Are you Domestic?
B. Bet?
A. Past tense of beat
B. Beaten
A. Beated
B. Beaten.
A. Bought.
B. Beat… les.
A. No wait– that’s the double past tense of bite.
B.
A. Bought. Is the double past tense of bite.
B. Ok, ok– what’s the double past?
A. A real long time ago.
B. Like a third grade portrait.
A. While you could just as easily take another one today, the original picture got tookened decades ago, yes.
B. Sounds like we’ve finally conquered time.
A. Tell that to the grave.
B. Oh. I will.
A. Yeah?
B. “Hey. Grave.”
A.
B. “HEY”
A. … “Yes?”
B. “FUCK you”
A. Hey!
B. I was telling it to the grave.
A. Oh. I’m sorry.  “Hey!”
B. “We SOLVED you.”
A. “So?”
B. “I’m outta here. Peace.”
A. You think the grave would be cowed by that?
B. Please?
A. Sad.
B. What was the book about?
A. What book?
B. The book you said I was like
A. Wuthering Heights?
B. No.
A. Oh, right. That book from sixth grade.
B. Yeah. What was it called again?
A. I don’t remember. But it was about a girl. A girl our age.
B. Late 20s?
A. No. A sixth-ish grade girl. And her parents were diplomats who were stationed in China. Or… ambassadors. I forget.
B. I think the latter is venn’d in by the former.
A. Whatever.
B. Just
A. So its the 20s. And the girl in China, she speaks 20s style, so she always says “And how”
B. Oh.    Ok.
A. But later the Boxer Rebellion happens and they have to flee.
B. I think that happened in like the 1880s. Or 90s.
A. Huh. Maybe it was a different rebellion then?
B. Was “And how” a 20s thing?
A. I thought it was. But, maybe
B. Maybe it tookened place in the 1890s. Or was it 1903…
A. I don’t know. All I can think about now is Anne of Green Gables…
B. Now there’s a non-generic face!
A. What did you like best
B. Freckles.
A. about it. Was it the
B. Freckles.
A. freckles?
B.
A. I wanted to finish my sentence.
B. I appreciate and respect your struggle.
A. Are we sure she had freckles?
B. Yes.
A. Or did she just have red hair?
B. Yes. We’re sure.
A. … You do know she was like 15 in that.
B. and I was 10 when I saw it. Game on.
A. No.
B. Backwards amnesty.
A. What?
B. I was young — even younger than her — it doesn’t count the same.
A. But you’re 28 now.
B. Oh, Megan Follows. You could smash a slate over my head any time.
A. Really?
B. Oh yeah.
A. What if I smashed a slate over your head… would you like that?
B. Wig?
A. Sure.
B. Fin de siecle girl’s dress?
A. I don’t think that term applies to Canada, but I’ll try. I bet if I ask Mar
B. Yes. Ask.
A. O, k.
B. Ok.
A.
B.
A. What exactly do you plan on doing to me in it?
B. Oh man.
A. … oh man what?
B. I’m going to– wait. Is there anyway you can, you know
A. I don’t.
B. Make it red?
A. … menstruate?
B. No. Dye it.
A. Ohh. That makes more sense.
B. Although.
A. No?
B. Now that you say it
A. This isn’t an egg drop; I don’t have that kind of fallopian control
B. It’s been a long time since
A. No.
B. I earned my wings.
A. Gross.
B. What? It’s just
A. At least don’t say it that way.
B. Hm. I haven’t…
A. I mean. You don’t really have to say anything about
B. … licked your brick in a while
A. What?
B. Bricks are red?
A. Also solid and dense.
B. Thick.
A. Thickness isn’t a compliment when it comes to vaginal aspects.
B. Why not? For butts it is.
A. I’m hesitant to say try again, but we can’t close on that, right?
B. Hm.
A. I take it back. Brick it is. I don’t
B. I haven’t
A. Yes?
B. Tasted…
A. Already don’t like it.
B. something about the Red Cross.
A. Ok.
B. Or maybe copper– the way blood tastes.
A. Pennies.
B. I’ma suck your pennies.
A. It’s like penis– you could say it that way but affected.
B. Like clump my throat down and have combo baritone plus lisp plus
A. Clean your pennies
B. Soak your pennies with my vinegar lips
A. and salt.
B. I am going to oxidize that pussy.
A. I think that’s the opposite of what happens when you clean a penny.
B. Yeah. In retrospect I don’t think I would be rusting you– nor would I want to.
A. Thank you.
B. But it does feel real good to say.
A. Sounds good too.
B. Yeah?
A. Yeah.
B. How good?
A. Oh, not that good. Not like that.
B. Oh.
A. But it certainly feels like something someone could say.
B. Hm.
A. Anything else?
B. Tranfuse me?
A. No, about my face.
B. Oh right. What was I on?
A. My teeth?
B. Huh. Your eyes are , your nose. Your
A. Ready to concede?
B. I like your face though. Really.
A. I know. Generic isn’t bad. Plus there are different genres.
B. Pretty genre.
A. Sure.
B. I like your forehead.
A. Yeah?
B. Yeah. I like that it gets greasy too fast.
A. Go on…
B. I bet you have to wash that face at least three times a day.
A. I usually do it five times.
B. Scheduled?
A. Morning, before lunch, after lunch, after getting home from work, before sleep.
B. Before and after lunch?
A. I sweat when I eat hot things and I usually have curry. Or tamales.
B. But why before?
A. It’s pretty greasy by then
B. But you could just do
A. Well I’m already in the bathroom to wash my hands.
B. Fair enough.
A. So, is it the grease you like? Or did you just pick this because it’s the only thing that stands out
B. It’s a very shapely forehead
A. Yeah? What shape?
B. Flipped over curly-bracket.
A. My forehead isn’t that shallow.
B. One of the hand-written ones. More bulbed. More dramatic point.
A. Do I have that much of a part?
B. Sometimes.
A. When?
B. When you sleep. I make it on your face.
A. …a part, right? You make a part
B. Yes.
A. And when I wake up? Why isn’t it there?
B. Well I don’t lie awake at night protecting it.
A. Why not?
B. Imagine!
A. For some reason you are dressed in full Soviet Winter Military Outerwear, holding a long gun — the kind with a bayonet.
B. Do I have one of those earflap babushkas?
A. It’s called an ushanka.

Jay's inauguration gift was to let the President be cooler than him for one day

This man, inside of Beyonce, making this face, wearing this ushanka, all the time http://www.flickr.com/photos/everyskyline/3217166665/in/photostream/

B. Do I have an ushanka?
A. Yes. Absoluetly.
B. Kewl.
A. It even has a shield patch and on the shield patch is
B. your part
A. My part
B. Your parts.
A. Ha. Now I’m torn.
B. … it does make more sense that it would be the part.
A. That is your mission.
B. But, in real life, day to day wear.
A. That could be your pajamas.
B. And the other one could be my fucksuit.
A. Would the patch show My mine or Anne’s mine. Parts.
B. Oh! The pushy soldier and the feisty schoolgirl
A. … it feels kinda
B. Rapey?
A. Yeah.
B. And disrespectful to Anne?
A. Tss. And it would contextualize the slate so well.
B. I mean, it’s just a game, I guess
A. But that’s a pretty major thing to have be part of it. Is that part of it for you?
B. No. Anne is supposed to be the one in control.
A. Tho, “Carrots” might sound pretty good in a bad Russian accent.
B. “Kehr-rahts”
A. A bad *Russian* accent
B. Sh’up.
A. We could just separate those two things.
B. You could be a sympathetic … German? widow who hides me from
A. Not realistic. Also too historically perverse, an uncomfortable co-option of a truly horrific and bar
B. Ok, ok. I’ll just wear it but then be normal — not Russian — and pretend I’m guarding your body.
A. Sounds good.
B. We could turn off the heat and  open the windows in the middle of winter; At some point you have the jacket and the — u-shan-ka — and absolutely nothing else. No covers. I’m shirtless, in the pants, and I have to warm you. Probably for real
A. No! You have to wear the ushanka.
B. Bah. But you in just that. Waiting for me.
A. Compromise: you keep it on during our scenario– good work, by the way
B. Thank you
A. and then some other time I can greet you in it
B. And nothing else?
A. And nothing else.
B. No wait. Small underwears, well-worn.
A. I can do that.
B. I mean, laundered. Just
A. The fabric is thin, just barely holding together.
B. At some parts you can even count the threads.
A. Can do.
B. Now as for Anne…
A. Just dress up as Gilbert.
B. Oh! Yeah.
A. I mean. C’mon.
B. I hope I can find slates.
A. Maybe an over-precious kids’ toy store. Or one of those olde timee village educational attractions.
B. We can even use the outfits for Hallowe’en.
A. Hm. I’ll get a lot of slates so I can smash you all night.
B. No, I meant the Soviet get-up and the raggedy underpants.
A. Shu’up.
B. No. Sh’up.
A. Sh. Up. P.
B. No, it’s not. Just get rid of the middle.
A. Ship.
B. Well at least you have a generically pretty face.
A. Thank you.
B. *forehead kiss*
A. Taste good?
B. *eye to eye* I could fry a chicken on it *parts hair*
A. Guard it well.
B. With lasers.

 

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