A. I can’t stop.
B. Can’t stop what?
A. Thinkin’.
B. Really?
A. Yeah– I do it and then I keep on doing it.
B. Oh, you wrote my epitaph for me. What a pal.
A. … what?
B. Here lies B “I did it and then kept on doing it”
A. Into the grave?
B. No. Just in general.
A. Oh. Ok.
B. I actually die of femoral halitosis.
A. Ah. Stink Bone.
B. I mean, if you want…
A. … to be party to you fucking yourself to death?
B. To be part of me f-
A. that’s what I said
B. -ucking my self- of, I said of
A. That’s the same as, no.
B. No what
A. This is dumb– how are you?
B. I’m ok.
A. Really? W-
B. No.
A. -ell, ok. Why not?
B. I c-
A. No, wait– fuck that.
B. Ok
A. I’m the one– the one who can’t stop ‘thinkin”– you need to grill me
B. Nooo. Boring.
A. Dibs. I’ve already
B. Shotgun!
A. Sh-guh- no. No, that doesn’t
B. Called shotgun.
A. No. I already had dibs.
B. But did you call shotgun?
A. Shotgun rules don’t apply here.
B. Shotgun rules apply everywhere.
A. No.
B. If you didn’t think so, then why did you play along?
A. I didn’t
B. “Shah-guuh”??
A. It was a reflex. Force of habit. It was–
B. A likely story
A. Yes. It was. Thank you for

15 Hours Later

B. Shotgun!
A. Sh-guh-what?
B. Hehehe- gottit.
A. Gotwhat? We’re going to bed– there’s no passenger position to be got.
B. For you there isn’t–
A. AND for you
B. –because I called shotgun.
A. It’s a bed. If anything, we’re both in the passenger seat.
B. Ahh. It’s like being on a magic carpet ride.
A. It’s always like
B.A Whole New World!
A. that
B. A new fantastic point of view
A. Honestly, you have no one to blame but yourself-
B. Something, way up – where… the, uh–OH Atmosphere
A. -if each trip to bed isn’t at least a LI’L-
B. Let me see this whole new world with
A. -bit magical.
B. Youlet me share this whole new world with
A. I’ll let you share this
B. Youuuuuuuuuu
A. Although, I guess I might be too.
B. uuuuuuu too what?
A. To blame. Sometimes. Maybe a little.
B. Blame? For what?
A. Nevermind.
B. No, no– it sounds like I’m getting a free excuse. Count me in.
A. Just during bed and stuff.
B. You’re to blame for beds?
A. No.
B. Because besides the Burning kind, they’re actually pretty much a good thing.
A. But the Burning kind
B. So, quit bragging.
A. the Burning kind isn’t an exception.
B. Misandrist.
A. He was beating her half to death!
B. Oh. Really?
A. Yes!
B. I guess I never saw it and only knew it from references
A. … and none of the references even alluded to the domestic violence context?
B. I don’t know. I’m tired, ok.
A. So am I.
B. Shotgun!
A. Shah-gu-uGH
B. Winner!!
A. Why do I keep falling for it?
B. Now let me get that sweet passenger seat in our big fake grave plot
A. Fake what now?
B. You know– because falling asleep is like faking your own death
A. No?
B. Except, you know, without the disguises and social security fraud
A. Which side is even the passenger side anyways
B. The right.
A. Ohh. But I always sleep on the right
B. Not tonight, Abu.
A. No.
B. It’s Big Prince Ali’s turn
A. Nuh-uh. You take that back.
B. Take what b-
A. Monkey. I’m not your Abu. No way.
B. But you look so fetching in a vest…
B. and fez…
B. …and no pants or shirt.
A. *sigh* You’re right. I’m nothing if not a fine-ass organ grindin’ piece of future person
B. That’s right. You paw your way up here and get ready to screech.
A. No, no, no. I’m not partaking in some kind of Rule 34 Aladdin Slash Disney Nightmare Roleplay
B. C’mon. Carpet’s got a hot spot just for you
A. … at least let me be Jasmine
B. Ariel and you have a deal.
A. No fishtail
B. Fishtai– gah.
A. No way.
B. Ugh. Fine. You can be the girl squirrel from The Sword In The Stone.
A. The fat one that nearly kills Merlin with her love?
B. No, dummy. The one that
A. Ohh, right. The one whose Arthur heartbreaks.
B. I think you’ve got that missed up, but yes.
A. That’s cute, but too sad.
B. So? It can’t all be peanut butter and jelly and pickles
A. Can’t it?
B. No. … I consider peanut butter and jelly and pickles delicious, by the w.
A. Yes, yes. I know. All too well
B. Point is, can’t all be Twizzlers in root beer
A. But it’s roleplay…
B. The Twizzlers being used as a straw.
A. … it’s roleplay therefore Yes It Can. For once you have total control.
B. Not total control enough to get that fishtail.
A. No one man should have all that power
B. And not total control so that if you were super ugly I couldn’t role play away your beastliness.
B. IF. I said. … You’re not!
A. That’s n-
B. In fact, fez or no fez, vest with shirt or vest without shirt, you’re quite fetching.
A. Thank you.
B. Fetching at fetching compliments from me at three in the morning.
A. Yes?
B. Continue
A. I lost my train of thought– was I saying something?
B. You were lecturing me about the merits of roleplay.
A. … really?
B. Yeah. You were saying — well, taking me to task for, really– , that I should exclude all sadness from my roleplays.
A. Yeah. Wel-
B. The sex kind.
A. … yeah, well. I’m not wrong.
B. But that kind of texture can be just as satisfying. If not moreso.
A. But I also don’t care, really.
B. Oh! Good.
A. Now scooch over.
B. I called shotgun.
A. Scooch!
B. No fair.
A. Now call me Steppenwolf because you are about to come with me little girl on a magic carpet ride so exhilarating & fantastical that, 3 movies later, Mulan will swoon.
B. Oh! You can be the Eddie Murphy Dragon.
A. Ugh. Take off those pants.

46 minutes later

A. Hey.
B. Hey.
A. Like I was going to say.
B. Mm?
A. Like I was going to say before…
B. Mm. Too tired.
A. C’mon. I remembered.
B. No, it’s ok. You can tell me. I just , will probably , drift off to sleep while you do so.
A. Oh. Ok. That’s fair.
B. Ok that’s fair
A. The point was: you only have yourself to blame (and, maybe, sometimes, me) for not making every bed, not having every bed be a magic carpet ride.
B. But sometimes I’m too tired
A. Not like that.
B. Or drinky
A. It doesn’t have to be sexual.
B. Or you’re away from me.
A. You could just take ten minutes
B. Or you’re here but you’re not here
A. or fifteen, or twenty
B. either figurative , like , if not literal
A. just a bloc of quiet, eyes wide, in the dark, in bed reflection
B. or you’re too here , super present , squeezing me out
A. making the most of your time in bed, warm
B. or turning me off
A. blanket all pulled up to the chin
B. or
A. hands over the hem, pulling it up
B. or , if .
A. or making the most of our time in bed together
A. just really being close, touching bodies but not touching, or
A. just some touching, lite touching, and
A. just holding. And quiet, conspiratorial nothingful chatter
A. just waiting [for it to happen]

(skip to 7:45)


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