Drummers Drumming?

Before I could stay up as late as I wanted, before moving out of the house, I used to tape things I otherwise couldn’t access. Not every night, and I used the same tapes over and over again. I was the friend with the Simpsons mix tape– the VHS with all the best episodes. We’d watch them over and over until all the lines stuck. Until we could tell which episode it was from the first shot after the credits, let alone the first act inciting/fake plot. If they’re in church about to sing I. Ron Butterfly it’s “Bart Sells His Soul”; if they’re having a yard sale it’s “Two Bad Neighbors.” Season Seven, you guys– only idiots and prudes think it was all downhill after season 4 (slash 5 slash 6).

Anyways, it was mostly Conan (and later Adult Swim) that I’d tape. I wish I still had the VHS’s so I could watch classics like “Battle of the Billionaires” or “Puppets’ Last Words Channel” or the Late Night Third or Fifth Anniversary Special or Polly the NBC Peacock. Of these things only the 5th Anniversary Special still exists in internet clip form (“My clips…“), and any trace of Polly The NBC Peacock’s existence seems to have been scoured from the face of the earth. That was on so many times and was so good! You dumb idiots! Oh no wait I lied — IT”S THE STAMATOPOULEST!!!


Bonus clip/check THIS out:

Thank God for Sadaam Hussein


The point is, two of my favorite Christmas things are from an episode of Conan I taped when and then watched over and over again when I was 15 or so. Conan’s unbridled delight in getting to control that insane robotic Santa and the undecorated couple’s matter of fact dismissal of the ice toilet. What else do you want from Christmas? If your answer was either a) Santa taking a dog from behind in his gift sack or b) a Trumpeter Terl then don’t worry. You Have Been Taken Care Of:

And then, after that, there is something so damn charming about Tom Hanks, at the peak of his super stardom, putting up with getting dumped on like that seemingly on the basis of just liking Conan a lot.

When life offers you a dog skeleton, you grab it and run.

Merry 4th Day of Christmas













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