So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief, that The Only Thing We Have To Fear Is…
Flue sticks shut and Fireside Chat asphyxiates the Cabinet11
Irritable Bowel Syndrome
Nightmares– they’re, by definition, frightening21
Quail becoming sentient and turning against us25
1That guy is a maniac! Those soldiers of his shoot real guns with actual bullets!
3Keep them as far away from your face as you can.4
4Invent a holder to do so.
5Also: Deleanor, my homely, cross-dressed alter-ego6
6When Eleanor is away, Deleanor comes out to playTM7
7(Why would I trademark that?)?
8I better wrap this blanket around my bone-zone so Winston and Josef don’t laugh at my wrinkled old japesmaker!9
9I can still get boners right?10
10… I forget how polio works.
11Henry Morgenthau Jr., no!
12Teeth are our greatest naturally occurring resource. You only get two shots at this– make at least one of them count. Preferably the latter… I digress.
13If you love one million tiny somethings, set them free– if they induce a cerebral hemorrhage chewing their way out of your face, well then you probably shouldn’t have listened to me. Sorry !( 14
15Don’t take your eyes off of them or they’ll sublimate into a hundred cranes and thieve all your microfiche
16[eyes narrow] Kevin [teeth grit]
17They are, basically, spawnpoints for Enterococcus, Pseudomonas, and other Bacterial Disease; they are, totally, camping your continences18
18(pronounced with a long ‘e’– continenc-ees)
19Don’t fuck up!20
21Nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror, which paralyzes needed efforts to escape this tiger made out of bees…
22Take away their paper!23
24Gross/is that a weiner-slash-fanny-[UK] that talks or you just getting down there and telling all your secrets/talking head
25“So the hunter has become the SQWRAURK”
26Was that me?
27Anonymous, poorly thought out, sloppily formatted artifact-destroying black instant– crippling our compulsories, rendering second breakfast into Ron Carver28
28Finally! My mandle’s arrived [nostril-expoding sniff] smells like [both white sausage and monkey bread are offensive; thank Bavaria for ruining my clever/incomprehensible joke]!
29So small. And full of poison.30
30Crawling all over my nude body.31
31Tickling the back of my sinuses.32
32Spelunking for my yellow wealth.
33A man’s wheelchair is his castle. Or at least his dungeon.
36That’s William Randolph Hearst again37
37The cuss of it all!
39(ghost voice brackets)