Posts Tagged ‘This must be a lonely time for you’

This Must Be A Lonely Time For You #1

September 5 2011

Part one

 

Q: This must be a lonely time for you.
A: I have been noticing couples on the street, yes.
Q: Are
A: And not just couples, but friends. People just enjoying each others’ company.
Q: How can you tell which are which?
A: Numbers, often. Body language. Probably some heteronormative pre-conceptions, admittedly. But even man and lady friends– I’ll assume that.
Q: That’s very progressive of you.
A: Yeah, yeah. I know. Better to over-compensate than the opposite, ultimately.
Q: And what would the opposite of progressive self-over-correction?
A: Hm. I guess, regressive others-under-…not correction.
Q: You just reversed the words I said.
A: Yes.
Q: So let’s play out what this would entail
A: Do we have to? I thought this was going to be about how lonely I am.
Q: We can get back to that
A: We don’t actually have to– I spend enough time
Q: No, no. I am still interested in your lonely times, however, we have this opportunity to digress
A: What an opportunity!
Q: Genuine digressions have more value than people think. At this point, ours is no longer one, but it still has value nonetheless.
A: Well, digress away.
Q: It does, however, take two…
A: …well, regressive would be the opposite of progressive, so instead of combing through all my thoughts and words for unjust and discriminatory and bigoted notions I would actively try to inject those things into what I was saying or, I guess, observing.
Q: How would that work, observation-wise?
A: Well, if I walked by someone different than me and, because I wasn’t enough of a shitface, didn’t think something terrible about them I would have to make up for it by clutching my purse, or making a fartsmell face, or just watching them ‘to make sure.’
Q: But because it was others instead of self you would be directing these comments at others instead of yourself
A: Yeah. I guess, I would have to walk up to people and say “Why didn’t you clutch your purse when that African-American gentleman walked by. Puttin’ on airs??”
Q: African-American gentleman?
A: Hm. Do you think this person would be more overtly racist than that? Besides the wallet stuff?
Q: I mean, maybe not throwing slurs around, but I’m not sure how regressive that phrasing is.
A: I don’t know. The whole gentleman thing always strikes me as sort of the worst thing you could say short of the n-word.
Q: What is this gentleman thing? I can’t say that I’m familiar with it
A: Well, like when someone will not want to refer to someone else as being “black” or “gay” when describing them, so they say “the African-American gentleman” or “Gay gentleman”– well, I guess they’re still saying gay there– but, basically just thinking “Here’s how I’ll hide my discomfort– by going so far the other way that I give them a fucking top hat and tails”
Q: And you believe they do this because they are comfortable with gay and/or black people?
A: Oh, definitely.
Q: Could it be that they’re more uncomfortable with the terms themselves, and the culture’s lack of a clear policy on
A: Yeah, I mean, there’s probably some of that. But, it’s really not that big a deal.
Q: To you.
A: To most people I’m pretty sure. And, worst case scenario, someone objects to the term you used and then you have to use what ever terminology they want you to use– or don’t–
Q: It could be embarrassing to get called out that way.
A: Hold on– weren’t we talking about how lonely my time is?
Q: We can return to that topic.
A: Yeah, I don’t think this is really going anywhere else past where we got to
Q: But do you see what I mean?
A: See what what means?
Q: Genuine digressions– that one eventually ran out of steam, but before it did we got to see a side of you that would probably never come up otherwise.
A: Yeah, I guess. Th
Q: Now did
A: ough
Q: I’m sorry, what were you going to say?
A: Nah. Forget it.
Q: So forgotten. And, speaking of forgetting, we still have -under-notcorrection left.
A: Eh. I’m pretty sure the whole thing falls apart at that point.
Q: Still, all we have to lose is effort…
A: Ok, well. Under completely undermines the previous part since I would hold back on acting instead of acting. And then notcorrection means that I would be holding back on doing absolutely nothing and zero times zero is, yep, still zero.
Q: There are certainly more productive interpretations of those terms, though…
A: Like?
Q: Well, notcorrection– I would say that that’s what you were doing by giving them such bad advice.
A: Yeah, yeah… I can accept that. And, under?
Q: Hm.
A:… oh, doy. Because I do so after having popped up from tunneling beneath them.
Q: Like a mole
A: Or that gopher character from Winnie the Pooh.
Q: Hm. Would you do so with a whistled s?
A: I sort of already do… but definitely. More so.
Q: Isn’t effort beautiful? Before you were an introverted, self-obsessed, anxiety-ridden, hyper-sensitive wimp. Now you have a roadmap to becoming the bigoted, loudmouth, magic tunnel-digging sub-human buttinski you were always meant to be.
A: My life starts today.
Q: Do you think you would be less lonely if you were at least more of a loudmouth or sub-human?
A: Yeah. I probably would.
Q: Why not start?
A: Well, I don’t want to be a ‘sub-human’
Q: Or just a loudmouth.
A: I can get loud.
Q: There’s a difference.
A: What would I do, just start yelling at people?
Q: Or initiating conversations.
A: I don’t really see how that’s bein
Q: How about it, though?
A: … Yeah. That probably would be better.
Q: So, why not?
A:
Q: ?
A: There is probably no reason why not.
Q: But you won’t.
A: Not probably.
Q: Well. Good luck with that.
A: Thanks.
Q:
A: … do you have any more questions for me?
Q: I’m trying to think of which way to take this. Usually it takes a long time to get to this point and I get more resistance after which there is growth.
A: I resisted.
Q: Sure.
A: What, because I didn’t see the point in bickering denials over an accurate assessment of what my case is I’m a bad interview?
Q: Sort of.
A: Well, then I guess there’s no reason to keep interviewing me if I’m so bad at it.
Q: Yeah. I’m really racking my brains trying to come up with one.
A: Don’
Q: Is there anything you have any strong feelings about?
A:
Q: …anything at all?
A: Yeah. Probably.
Q: Probably? That, I can’t imagine a worse answer to that question.
A: I know.
Q: So, do you have anything or not?
A:
Q: … we don’t have to do this. We can just call it an interview and split
A:
Q: There’s even a virtue in having some bad ones in a collection. Makes the whole thing seem more real, lends authenticity.
A:
Q: Not every interview can b
A: I guess I just feel like life is ganging up on me.
Q: And that’s what you feel strongly about?
A: No. It’s just
Q: How about this– this is my first interview in this series. Once I’ve completed the other 18, I’ll come back and see how you’re doing. Ok?
A: Nehh. You don’t need to–
Q: Well, I’ve got to redeem this piece somehow.
A: if it’s not good you can just cut it, I won’t mind. I don’t nee
Q: I think the return thing will give it a cute conceit, right?
A: Yeah. I can see that.
Q: Ok. So. In the mean time, if you could — you know — get your act together, try, care, and so on
A: Ugh.
Q: I know. But it’ll be a more interesting story if it has anything resembling an arc. And in order for that to happen you will need to change. Significantly. Hopefully for the better.
A: Because it’s hard to imagine worse.
Q: Precisely.
A: Ok. Ok. I think, ok. Yeah.
Q: Perfect.
A: … how much time do I have?
Q: Well, it’s hard to tell. Lonesome fucks such as yourself don’t just pop up out of nowhere, it takes work just to find you
A: Yeah, sure. But if I had a hard limit– a timeline– it would make it easier, well, more pressureful to do something.
Q: How about 6 months?
A: 6 months?
Q: Yes. Long enough not only to act and to change, but to be required to sustain that change through continued action.
A: Well. Ok.
Q: Don’t worry. If you succeed, you’ll thank me for it, you sub-human gopher.
A: And if not?
Q: 60 more years of seeing your shadow, you cowardly groundhog.
A: Sounds like a plan.
Q: Wait… 50 more years.
A: Thanks.
Q: Don’t mention it– just another ticking clock you have to run from with no chance to escape. But, now, less so.
A:
Q: See you in March!

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This Must Be A Lonely Time For You #6

September 3 2011

Mark the Ghost

Q. This must be a lonely time for you.
A. Not hardly.
Q. You’re down to… two months now?
A. More or less.
Q. How more or less?
A. Us ghosts don’t count the days.
Q. I don’t believe that.
A. Facts don’t need to be believed. They just are.
Q. It’s been 12 years and 1 month, correct?
A. There abouts, I believe.
Q. Your initiation date was August [redacted], 1999 correct?
A. It’s not really a precise ‘month’ thing
Q. But it’s a regular, constant measure…
A. 107,406 hours. Just about 12 years and 3 months. That’s what we’re told.
Q. So you’ve got two
A. But honestly, for us ghosts the whole day thing sort of loses significance. No job, no sleep…
Q. You don’t have a watch or clock of some kind
A. Ghosts aren’t much for objects
Q. Some
A. Very limited ability to manipulate them, or anything on that plane.
Q. Yes. Well. I could actually see that resulting in a strong interest in objects. That which you can’t, right?
A.
Q. …Some kind of countdown mechanism that tracks your 107,406 hours
A. Some of us do.
Q. And you’re not one of them?
A. Listen: We’ve got only a certain amount of time left, yes. We are aware of this. We don’t dwell on it. We don’t think about it. It’ll happen. We’re aware of this. We’ve died before. Except this time I’ll have no obligations, or attachments, or relationships.
Q. And all of your clues have been properly allotted?
A. There’s no “my” clues. I move the clues I can and those I can’t will get picked up by other ghosts. We don’t have those kind of attachments, property, obligations
Q. Romance? Friendships?
A. Ro- how? Explain how that would work.
Q. Well, I mean, you yourself are a skirt-lifting ghost– skirt hems are your objets d’or. You must have some kind of libido, correct?
A. Oh sure. But there’s no such thing as ghost dick, so ain’t exac
Q. There isn’t?
A. No.
Q. Friendships don’t require a ghost dick.
A. And we have friends. It’s just– we all know the score because all us ghosts share the same
Q. Limitations
A. Duration
Q. But isn’t it sad when a friend disappears forever?
A. Sadness isn’t a part of it for us
Q. What about
A. Well most of us. –You know, you living really project a lot of your own inadequacies on us ghosts. If we were to go by your depictions we are hyper-emotional, grave-fleeing, Earth-clingers. Nothing could be further from the truth. At least for the vast majority of us.
Q. Why do
A. You write ghosts as the long-sufferers of deserved punishments, or important death lessons, or implacable desires. But it’s not. As far as we can tell, it’s a bonus. An added 12 years for good behavior. Or maybe just because. No obligations, n
Q. Now you keep specifying obligations.
A. Because that’s an example of what we ghosts don’t have that
Q. Sure, also attachments. But ‘obligations,’ ‘attachments’– even ‘relationships’– these are all distancing terms
A. And what could be further distance from all these living things than death.
Q. But I’ve spoken to other ghosts before
A. Really?
Q. Yes.
A. And what– did you get all waterworks with them? Get ’em to admit how much they missed being alive? How they still had all the same needs, deep down, but were burying them, playing empty, wearing sheetface when all they really wanted was someone to Swayze?
Q. No. Quite the contrary– and keeping with your description– they were to a ghost quite detached and, well not content to be so, but certainly not longing.
A. See… it’s like I said.
Q. But they all also referred to the trappings of the living, if not with affection or loss with detail and interest.
A. What details do you want? I’ve got 399,697 pairs of panties floating around in this lack-a head of mine.
Q. Wow. Closing in on 400,000. Do you think you’ll make it?
A. I’ve got almost 1500 hours left, of course I’ll get to 400,000.
Q. How almost?
A. Booooooo.
Q. …are you trying to scare me?
A. No, I’m expressing disappointment. It’s the only way we know how.
Q. So you can get disappointed? It seems like that would require
A. Ok, ok– one gotcha question at a time.
Q. Fair enough.
A. Yes. Ok. I know. I know exactly how many hours I have until I poof.
Q. And that is?
A. Fourteen hundred seventy-one.
Q. … so, that’s… um
A. A little over 61 days
Q. So do you have the countdown ticking down in each form of count: days, months
A. No. I’m just good at arithmetic.
Q. Oh. So
A. There is an hour counter. No minutes, no seconds. Only flips each hour. Every ghost has it. Every ghost knows.
Q. That must be awful for you.
A. I don’t know how much clearer I can make this
Q. No, yeah. I know. No attachments, no obligations. Not suffering– it’s all multi ball.
A. Every “day” is a no-whammy day for us ghosts.
Q. For you.
A. For all ghosts.
Q. That’s another thing. You speak about the experience of ghostkind not
A. Our lack of attachments and obli– responsibilities?
Q. Don’t change your word choice on account of my questions. I’m just curious about you. Who you are, and why you are who you are.
A. ‘What’ would probably be more accurate than ‘who’
Q. See– that’s interesting. Why ‘what’?
A. Can you guess? Have you been listening to what I’ve said or just how I’ve said it?
Q. I would imagine, then, that it has to do with the lack of attachments and obligations and perhaps some kind of resulting lack of subjectivity.
A. Your imagination is correct.
Q. Or probably just weakened subjectivity
A. As it is for all ghosts.
Q. S-
A. It is.
Q. You’re right, I’ve noticed that. It’s just, why push off so hard against  personhood? It, ironically, makes you sound more human. More living.
A. Not this living shit again. I
Q. I just want to know. I find it fascinating: why you’re so resistant. It’s, and pardon the analogy, but it’s like finding a raccoon that uses napkins.
A.
Q. Mark, are you
A. I never made it.
Q. Never made it where? To the
A. Not where, I…
Q. … not where… Oh, wow. Really.
A.
Q. I’m sorry. But this is fascinating to me. I’ve never met a hangeron before.
A. Please don’t use that term.
Q. I mean it makes sense now. I’m not sure why I didn’t see it.
A. Seriously, I don’t deserve to be treated like that.
Q. Shoot. I’m sorry. I just got lost in that first flush of discovery.
A. It’s my fault for being discovered.
Q. That’s. I’m sorry, Mark. I didn’t mean anything by it.
A. Thank you.
Q. I’d like to put this on record if I might…
A. I’ve only got 1471 hours left anyways, I just ask you don’t publish anything until then.
Q. Is that actually true?
A. Is what
Q. I thought you ha– I thought goal-driven ghosts didn’t have the same time limit.
A.
Q. Don’t worry. I think it’s cu– neat.
A. Boooooooooooooooooo.
Q. Sorry.
A. I also apologize. It’s just, I really can’t stand being caspered.
Q. And I hate doing the caspering– there’s nothing I hate more than condescension– but did you make up that time limit?
A. Yes.
Q. But other non-GDG do have them, right?
A. Honestly? I don’t know. Not for sure. I spend pretty much all of my time and effort thinking about pussy.
Q. Because you never made it while alive.
A. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Q. A– I hope you’re alright
A. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Q. I hope I didn’t cause any
A. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Q. Or Rumpelstiltsk
A. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Q. It’s ok to die a virgin.
A. OOOOOoooo really?
Q. Yeah.
A. No one’s ever told me that before
Q. Well it is.
A. Really. I, this is, so liberating. Tell me more
Q. Is this ghost sarcasm…
A. No. Just regular sarcasm.
Q. I was just trying to help, Mark.
A. Exactly. If you really want to help, look for some clues. Otherwise I can figure my own way out of this.
Q. Where would I look?
A. Everywhere. They’re so easy to find there are so many of them.
Q. Ok. But I don’t have a ghost’s knowledge of old murders.
A. Right. I forgot about that.
Q. I probably wasn’t going to anyways.
A. I suppose you’re hunting clues of your own.
Q. Thank you. That’s a good way of putting it.
A. You’re welcome.
Q. So… do you think you’re close?
A. Not really.
Q. What will it take, do you think? I mean, you can’t — I’m pretty sure you can’t
A. I don’t actually know.
Q. … this must be a lonely time for you.
A.
Q. Mark?
A. Well, at least I get to look at a lot of–
Q. Can we actually, go for a walk maybe?
A. Yeah. Absolutely.
Q. Cool, cool.
A. Beats getting grilled about my choice of ‘obligations’
Q. Sorry about that. It’s just, you know, interviewing tactics taking control, taking a life of their own
A. It’s ok. Hey– maybe we can hit 400,000 together
Q. Wow. Really? That many?
A. I have a gift, friend. My — what did you call it?
Q. Your objet d’or
A. Yeah. Let’s make this creepfest sound as classy as possible.
Q. French has never been more a propos
A. Ok, grad school. Enough college talk; time for some thin cotton action. Any requests?
Q. I hope we see green ones.
A. That might take a while
Q. C’est la vie
A. Man, I th–
Q. Ah, pardonez-moi: C’est le mort!

fin

#545 & #368

August 23 2011

A. I want to touch you every single place
B. Yeah?
A. Yeah.
B. Well what’s the hold up
A. I’m stuck behind bars
B. Oh, right.
A. In the big House. Can’t get out.
B. This must be a lonely time for you.
A. Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth.
B. How so?
A. Cellmates.
B. Oh right.
A. It turns out prison, is not the best place to hold an awesome manners contest.
B. I hope they’re not mistreating you.
A. Well. It could be worse.
B. That’s a relief.
A. Is it?
B. That was code for you haven’t been raped, right?
A. Yeah.
B. That’s a relief, then.
A. Yeah
B. What? This was your own dumb idea
A. Yeah…
B. We don’t have to keep doing this, you know. It is still a free country.
A. It is?
B. Yeah! Totally. Well… sort of.
A. Mm. Like the sound of that. What’s it like on the outside?
B. Of prison? Or, of the solar system?
A. No we did stranded astronaut last time.
B. In space no one can destroy your butthole in the shower.
A. In space there is also no exit strategy.
B. Wha? I found an extra space rocket. And went to space in it. So you could touch on me.
A. I do like touching on you.
B. Spoilers!
A. Do you think I would like you better if you had spoilers?
B. Like, secrets?
A. No. Like a tail fan.
B. I… can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic.
A. I am being sincere.
B. Really.
A. Yeah. I just want to know if you think that I think that.
B. Oh.
A. I’m not saying I want to get on a Ferrari.
B. I don’t really know how I would have a spoiler. Or why.
A. Well if it’s any consolation I’m pretty sure no one knows why they have a spoiler.
B. Is it a wind resistance thing?
A. Probably not. And you could have one just natural. You were born with it.
B. Wait. So is it some kind of skin and bone spoiler?
A. No. It’s metal.
B. So in this scenario I killed my mom coming out of the womb. Or at least , ugh. Nope. Can’t think about it.
A. No. She’s fine. It grows with you. Somehow.
B. Huh.
A. I don’t think I would want you to have one permanently but it would be cool for a little while.
B. Huh
A. Is the answer.
B. What exactly about my spoiler would do it for you?
A. Touching on it, for one.
B. It’s metal, tho
A. I touch metal. I’ve touched hay. I’ve touched fire. I’ll touch any stupid thing.
B. No. I mean. Where’s the pleasure in that. Skin’s soft and has that fleshiness to it. It provokes a response– a series of responses even.
A. Oh, the metal is connected to you on the inside also. So it also — you feel it.
B. It has nerve endings?
A. I don’t know about that per se, but it responds the same. Or similar.
B. And it’s metal.
A. Instead of skin, yes.
B. Is this just a boredom thing?
A. I ain’t bored with you yet. Don’t bother.
B. Ain’t bothering. I mean, is it more, a variety thing. What would metal be like.
A. Hm. It is, partly. But…
B. But?
A. Well, if it was just a variety thing I think it would’ve made more sense to imagine you a robot or android or even just a cyborg of some kind.
B. So that the metal was entirely my skin?
A. Yeah. I mean, now that I say that, that is definitely an interest. Probably moreso than a spoiler, but…
B. But.
A. There’s something about it as an object. Off of you but also a part. Like a fat tail.
B. A fat metal tail.
A. I could hold onto it like handlebars while getting mouths-on witchoo.
B. Witch me.
A. That could be good, too.
B. One at a time.
A. Some kind of robo-witch…
B. ##I Have Made >>FILTHY METAL CONGRESS<< With The Cyber-Beast##
A. ~ONE~ZERO~ONE~ZERO~ZERO~ONE~ONE~ZERO~ONE~ZERO~
B. Whus that?
A. It’s 666 in binary.
B. Oh. Cool.
A. Is it?
B. You know it’s actually 616.
A. No… I’m pretty sure that was 666.
B. No, I mean. The number of the beast.
A. Did they change it?
B. Sort of. Apparently it had been mistranslated all along, and it was supposed to be 616.
A. Huh.
B. I want to say it was supposed to be a reference to some kind of pope or anti-pope or maybe a Roman leader of some kind. Maybe Caligula? No wait, Nero.
A. This is really bumming me out.
B. Yeah. Three sixes is way cooler.
A. I’m actually a little sad now.
B. Aw. I mean, I could be misremembering this.
A. No, that sounds familiar.
B. Also, I mean. Folks also corrected the zodiac, finally, but I’m pretty sure everyone still uses their old signs.
A. They did what? Ah, c’mon!
B. That’s the advantage of believing in nonsense, though! Who cares if it’s right! You gotta demote Pluto but you can still be a May-birthday Gemini.
A. Man, I. I have to take a second to adjust to living in a 616 world.
B. Here. Rest your head on my spoiler.
A. Really?
B. It’s nice and cool and metal. Freshly waxed, hot yellow just for you.





A. Would you turn safe search off for me?
B. How do you mean?
A. If you were google searching my image, and you saw me. Would you want to see more?
B. Yes. Absolutely.
A. Ok, but, I mean, would you intentionally search me for the purpose?
B. Of seeing you nude?
A. Of seeing me filthy.
B. Ew.
A. Of seeing me nude, yes. Would you click that image tab knowing that you were going to turn moderate to unsafe.
B. Well, I always have safe search off. But yes. I would look for you that way.
A. Wait. How do you do that?
B. Turn safe search off?
A. Yeah.
B. Turn safe search, off.
A. But I do that! A lot! And it always just turns back to moderate after I close my browser.
B. Do you have cookies on?
A. No.
B. Well that’s why.
A. Huh.
B. If you want to automatically get every available gentleness you are going to need to let everyone on the internet always know where you’re at.
A. Really?
B. Well, even more so than you already do just from using it.
A. Sad.
B. Them’s the …
A. Tough cookies
B. Dah! Yes. It’s how they crumble.
A. Wait. Is tough cookies a phrase? Or is that just what a person is?
B. No, I’m pretty sure it’s a phrase.
A. So you want to see me naked.
B. Yes. A lot. Often.
A. Well if that’s not an invitation I don’t know what is.
B. Consider yourself R.S.V.P.’d
A. Recreationally Sexed Very Persuasively. ‘d?
B. Railme Si’l Vous Plait
A. Ah… Oui
—————– later —————–
B. Have you ever turned safe search off for me?
A. Do you have n00dz?
B. Ugh. No.
A. You seem very disgusted by that for someone who is currently quite n00d.
B. Don’t say it that way. Come on.
A. Sorry, d00d.
B. Geh. …have you, though?
A. I guess not, no.
B. Is it because you just assumed I didn’t have any hot(t) pix(x)?
A. Well I’m not sure why you get to say that and I don’t get to say n00ds, but yeah, more or less. It never occurred to me.
B. I don’t.
A. I figured.
B. Well, not online.
A. Mm. Really?
B. Yeah. I hope.
A. What are we talking about? Grainy sexts? Skeezy polaroids? Flash-in-the-mirror selfpix? Game Boy Camera fuckgif?
B. Actually, sort of all of the above.
A. Even–
B. Except the Game Camera Fuck Tape.
A. Game Boy Camera. Fuck Gif.
B. Yes. No.
A. Aw man, imagine if though.
B. Yes, it’s certainly the What If to end all What Ifs– are we really talking about Nintendos instead of my hot naked body and its ubiquity amongst pervy strangers?
A. Sorry. I’ll drop the nerd act and put on my possessiveness pants and jealousy… jodhpurs.
B. That’s two pairs of pants honey.
A. Yeah. In case I get a hole in one.
B. Asshole.
A. *bad joke dance*
B. Ugh. Moderate safe search back on *grabs pants, drapes over A’s it*
A. Aw. C’mon. And I hate to break it to you but you are definitely naked on the internet.
B. You said you never looked!
A. I mean, I haven’t actually seen you. Also, I’m not sure what kind of celebrity you take yourself for, but knowing your name wouldn’t exactly help.
B. Then how do you know I’m naked online?
A. I mean, I assume you sent these pics to other people and you weren’t just sexting yourself for creepy sadness purposes.
B. Well, yeah.
A. Well, there you go.
B. But they said they wouldn’t post them.
A. Ha. Ok.
B. What? You don’t know.
A. Sure, and I’m sure you’re also Still Being Friends.
B. More or less.
A. Wait, really? You’re actually still friends with your Pix Pal?
B. I’m still friends with all my Pix Pals.
A. Oh.
B. Oh, wow. What an ‘Oh’!
A. What?
B. What– c’mon. You were all excited about my Game Gear Blowjob Vids and now you look like you’ve seen a ghost. A bunch of ghosts. That I fucked. Also and Instead of you.
A. Game Boy, but that’s not it. I was just thinking that I guess that does actually decrease the chances that you’ll show up online.
B. Well I was just thinking that it’s a good thing you wore both of those pairs of pants.
A. Yeah. Well. Maybe. I guess.
B. Aw.
A. Whut.
B. Awww.
A. I don’t need your awe.
B. AwrrrrrrRRRR-ruff. Roo rroo.
A. Just your reverence and unquestioning, slavish devotion will suffice.
B. I am your dog at love.
A. And I your … bestiality enthusiast.
B. : /
A. You sort of painted me into a corner.
B. A creepy fuck corner.
A. The best kind of corner.
B. Rrrrrrrff RRrrr-rooof
A. Yeah. You get in that corner.
B. *Pants*
A. *Depants*