Posts Tagged ‘towards sleep’


November 16 2011

A. I can’t stop.
B. Can’t stop what?
A. Thinkin’.
B. Really?
A. Yeah– I do it and then I keep on doing it.
B. Oh, you wrote my epitaph for me. What a pal.
A. … what?
B. Here lies B “I did it and then kept on doing it”
A. Into the grave?
B. No. Just in general.
A. Oh. Ok.
B. I actually die of femoral halitosis.
A. Ah. Stink Bone.
B. I mean, if you want…
A. … to be party to you fucking yourself to death?
B. To be part of me f-
A. that’s what I said
B. -ucking my self- of, I said of
A. That’s the same as, no.
B. No what
A. This is dumb– how are you?
B. I’m ok.
A. Really? W-
B. No.
A. -ell, ok. Why not?
B. I c-
A. No, wait– fuck that.
B. Ok
A. I’m the one– the one who can’t stop ‘thinkin”– you need to grill me
B. Nooo. Boring.
A. Dibs. I’ve already
B. Shotgun!
A. Sh-guh- no. No, that doesn’t
B. Called shotgun.
A. No. I already had dibs.
B. But did you call shotgun?
A. Shotgun rules don’t apply here.
B. Shotgun rules apply everywhere.
A. No.
B. If you didn’t think so, then why did you play along?
A. I didn’t
B. “Shah-guuh”??
A. It was a reflex. Force of habit. It was–
B. A likely story
A. Yes. It was. Thank you for

15 Hours Later

B. Shotgun!
A. Sh-guh-what?
B. Hehehe- gottit.
A. Gotwhat? We’re going to bed– there’s no passenger position to be got.
B. For you there isn’t–
A. AND for you
B. –because I called shotgun.
A. It’s a bed. If anything, we’re both in the passenger seat.
B. Ahh. It’s like being on a magic carpet ride.
A. It’s always like
B.A Whole New World!
A. that
B. A new fantastic point of view
A. Honestly, you have no one to blame but yourself-
B. Something, way up – where… the, uh–OH Atmosphere
A. -if each trip to bed isn’t at least a LI’L-
B. Let me see this whole new world with
A. -bit magical.
B. Youlet me share this whole new world with
A. I’ll let you share this
B. Youuuuuuuuuu
A. Although, I guess I might be too.
B. uuuuuuu too what?
A. To blame. Sometimes. Maybe a little.
B. Blame? For what?
A. Nevermind.
B. No, no– it sounds like I’m getting a free excuse. Count me in.
A. Just during bed and stuff.
B. You’re to blame for beds?
A. No.
B. Because besides the Burning kind, they’re actually pretty much a good thing.
A. But the Burning kind
B. So, quit bragging.
A. the Burning kind isn’t an exception.
B. Misandrist.
A. He was beating her half to death!
B. Oh. Really?
A. Yes!
B. I guess I never saw it and only knew it from references
A. … and none of the references even alluded to the domestic violence context?
B. I don’t know. I’m tired, ok.
A. So am I.
B. Shotgun!
A. Shah-gu-uGH
B. Winner!!
A. Why do I keep falling for it?
B. Now let me get that sweet passenger seat in our big fake grave plot
A. Fake what now?
B. You know– because falling asleep is like faking your own death
A. No?
B. Except, you know, without the disguises and social security fraud
A. Which side is even the passenger side anyways
B. The right.
A. Ohh. But I always sleep on the right
B. Not tonight, Abu.
A. No.
B. It’s Big Prince Ali’s turn
A. Nuh-uh. You take that back.
B. Take what b-
A. Monkey. I’m not your Abu. No way.
B. But you look so fetching in a vest…
B. and fez…
B. …and no pants or shirt.
A. *sigh* You’re right. I’m nothing if not a fine-ass organ grindin’ piece of future person
B. That’s right. You paw your way up here and get ready to screech.
A. No, no, no. I’m not partaking in some kind of Rule 34 Aladdin Slash Disney Nightmare Roleplay
B. C’mon. Carpet’s got a hot spot just for you
A. … at least let me be Jasmine
B. Ariel and you have a deal.
A. No fishtail
B. Fishtai– gah.
A. No way.
B. Ugh. Fine. You can be the girl squirrel from The Sword In The Stone.
A. The fat one that nearly kills Merlin with her love?
B. No, dummy. The one that
A. Ohh, right. The one whose Arthur heartbreaks.
B. I think you’ve got that missed up, but yes.
A. That’s cute, but too sad.
B. So? It can’t all be peanut butter and jelly and pickles
A. Can’t it?
B. No. … I consider peanut butter and jelly and pickles delicious, by the w.
A. Yes, yes. I know. All too well
B. Point is, can’t all be Twizzlers in root beer
A. But it’s roleplay…
B. The Twizzlers being used as a straw.
A. … it’s roleplay therefore Yes It Can. For once you have total control.
B. Not total control enough to get that fishtail.
A. No one man should have all that power
B. And not total control so that if you were super ugly I couldn’t role play away your beastliness.
B. IF. I said. … You’re not!
A. That’s n-
B. In fact, fez or no fez, vest with shirt or vest without shirt, you’re quite fetching.
A. Thank you.
B. Fetching at fetching compliments from me at three in the morning.
A. Yes?
B. Continue
A. I lost my train of thought– was I saying something?
B. You were lecturing me about the merits of roleplay.
A. … really?
B. Yeah. You were saying — well, taking me to task for, really– , that I should exclude all sadness from my roleplays.
A. Yeah. Wel-
B. The sex kind.
A. … yeah, well. I’m not wrong.
B. But that kind of texture can be just as satisfying. If not moreso.
A. But I also don’t care, really.
B. Oh! Good.
A. Now scooch over.
B. I called shotgun.
A. Scooch!
B. No fair.
A. Now call me Steppenwolf because you are about to come with me little girl on a magic carpet ride so exhilarating & fantastical that, 3 movies later, Mulan will swoon.
B. Oh! You can be the Eddie Murphy Dragon.
A. Ugh. Take off those pants.

46 minutes later

A. Hey.
B. Hey.
A. Like I was going to say.
B. Mm?
A. Like I was going to say before…
B. Mm. Too tired.
A. C’mon. I remembered.
B. No, it’s ok. You can tell me. I just , will probably , drift off to sleep while you do so.
A. Oh. Ok. That’s fair.
B. Ok that’s fair
A. The point was: you only have yourself to blame (and, maybe, sometimes, me) for not making every bed, not having every bed be a magic carpet ride.
B. But sometimes I’m too tired
A. Not like that.
B. Or drinky
A. It doesn’t have to be sexual.
B. Or you’re away from me.
A. You could just take ten minutes
B. Or you’re here but you’re not here
A. or fifteen, or twenty
B. either figurative , like , if not literal
A. just a bloc of quiet, eyes wide, in the dark, in bed reflection
B. or you’re too here , super present , squeezing me out
A. making the most of your time in bed, warm
B. or turning me off
A. blanket all pulled up to the chin
B. or
A. hands over the hem, pulling it up
B. or , if .
A. or making the most of our time in bed together
A. just really being close, touching bodies but not touching, or
A. just some touching, lite touching, and
A. just holding. And quiet, conspiratorial nothingful chatter
A. just waiting [for it to happen]

(skip to 7:45)


September 12 2011

A. I can’t fall asleep
A. I can’t fall asleep
B. unngh. Ghwuh, I. What?
A. I can’t fall asleep
B. Yes you can.
A. No, I can’t.
B. Prove it.
A. I am.
B. Sure, you’re awake now. But in six hours…
A. Six? That’s not fair.
B. You said you can’t fall asleep
A. I mean, can’t right now. Not can’t ever.
B. So what’s the problem then.
A. I can’t fall asleep.
B. … so, half hour? An hour?
A. I don’t know. There’s no way to tell.
B. Except you definitely know that it’s not six hours.
A. I’m not going to just lie here sleepless for six hours. If it gets to that point I’ll just give up.
B. Also in six hours you’ll have to have been at work for… 40 minutes or so.
A. Shit. Really?
B. Yeah.
A. Ugh.
B. So why not try and see if you can squeeze 4 hours out of it.
A. … I have been trying.
B. Well, try…
A. Are you going to finish that sentence or did you think better of it.
B. Thought better. But, seriously though.
A. What then. What is it that I should do.
B. Huh.
A. What are your best secret sleep strategies to help me conk right out
B. Hm. I always just fall asleep on my own. It’s really easy for me.
A. That’s not helping.
B. I know. It’s just. I don’t really have anything helpful to offer here.
B. Maybe, count sheep?
A. That doesn’t work.
B. Did you try it?
A. No. B-
B. Well, you can’t know unti
A. But I’ve tried in the past. On Christmas Eves. Or on the nights before we’d go to Water Country or Disney World. I’d get to the forties or fifties before the mental image would break down, become meaningless.
B. You were as excited for Water Country as Disney World?
A. Probably moreso.
B. You’re a weird kid you know that?
A. We didn’t have a pool!
B. Yeah. Well you also didn’t have a Teacups. Or a Thunder Mountain. Or a entire canon of costumed Disney characters.
A. …I like waterslides.
B. Aw.
A. What.
B. Weird kid.
A. If liking waterslides is weird then you are sleeping with but not asleep with the Crispin Glover of kids.
B. Weird. kid.
A. Don’t drift off on me!
B. Can’t. help it.
A. I’ve got ways.
B. No. I’m all. wore. out.
A. Not sex ways, sicko. I just mean I can keep waking you up each time you fall asleep.
A. Like with pinches. Or shaking. Or frenching.
A. Hey. HEY.
B. No.o.o.
A. You can’t sleep until I can sleep.
B. That’s not. acceptable.
A. You don’t have a choice. I’m your own private Guantanamo.
B. Bo.o. Atti. ca.
A. Count yourself lucky that it’s just deprivation and not angry dogs and hot fuck stacks.
B. Hot. fuck stacks?
A. Those nude pyramids
B. Ugh. Not cool.
A. I’m not the one who did them.  Take it up with Lynnie England, and just Lynnie England, and maybe a couple other bad apples, but nobody else.
B. No.o.o. Too late. for. politics.
A. And even if you definitely could take it up with a bunch of otherbody elses, we have to look forward, not backwards. Past is done. Punishing people isn’t going to change what’s already happened. Why bother? Except terrorists. And protestors.
B. I’m not a terrorist. Can I go to sleep please?
A. Don’t care. No.
B. Ugh.
A. Hug.
B. Is … this a stress position?
A. Just hugging on you. To keep you awake
B. I don’t think. It’s.
A. I just have to squeeze a little.
B. Wrrrk.
A. Aw. I squeezed a li’l ‘wrrk’ outta you.
B. Wark.
A. Hm. It’s not as good when it’s from concentration.
B. Wrrrrrk
A. Mm. Fresh squoze.
B. Stop. You’re making me hungry.
A. Maybe we should go to Denny’s.
B. No-o. To sleep. We should go to. sleep.
A. I can’t fall asleep.
B. Go to sleep.
A. I can’t.
B. If. you can’t. fall asleep. maybe you can. maybe I. I.
A. Hey
B. Mm?
B. nn.
A. Don’t make me pack you in an ice casket.
B. z.
A. Ugh. *shake*
B. Nnn.
A. ever forget my inability to sleep.
B. Serious. stop.
A. Just. I think I can get there. I , need your help though.
B. No you don’t. Just. do for yourself. what you.
A. Hey.
B. Yeah?
A. Please?
B. ok.
A. Finally.
A. I mean, thank you.
B. Yeah. well.
A. I just need you to talk me through it. I know it will work if you just, talk me throughit.
B. Ok. Well. You’re getting sleepy.
A. Not like a hypnotist.
B. Like what then?
A. I don’t know. Just , normal.
B. I don’t think. I’m capable of. of that. now.
A. But with a story. With a drift to it , that I can follow to sleep.
B. Like a lazy. river.
A. Yeah! Exactly like a stupid lazy river.
B. And this bed. is your. water. country.
A. I actually did fall asleep on one of those once.
B. You’ve excaped Guantanamo. You’ve.
A. At Water Country, even.
B. You’ve made it. to the , past Cuba. To , some own. private. spot.
A. It was towards the end of the day and I was young-ish, like 8 or 10,
B. all the sand is white. there.
A. and I must have been tired out
B. No. Black.
A. so about a quarter mile in the tube left the shade for the sun
B. It’s a lake now. In , New Hampshire.
A. and I had to close my eyes just to , block it.
B. Or, I guess. A river.
A. and I could still see the sun behind my eyelids, though
B. And you get in. your tube. and you start to. just. drift. out
A. it was just the color red , and sometimes pulses of neon green or red
B. The lake. or the river. takes your tube like a ride but there. isn’t one.
A. So I close them tighter, and tighter until , it doesn’t help. So I turn over
B. You’re just , at the , mercy. Of it. Of the river.
A. Not flip. Just. A sleeping position.
B. Or the lake.
A. And I fall asleep.
B. Time is also not certain.
A. It’s not deep , but it’s not shallow.
B. Later. you’re so much further down the river.
A. A sleep I can remember sleeping.
B. But other laters. not so. much.
A. Maybe I wasn’t even asleep.
B. At some point. there aren’t banks anymore.
A. Just tired. relaxing. content.
B. The river. the lake. opens up.
A. Not either. all of them.
B. The sun. it’s not in the sky anymore. but. it’s not dark.
A. The lazy river winds me around itself. I must do six laps.
B. the light doesn’t come from anywhere. but.
A. My parents , so scared. When I wake up
B. you can still. see . all of it.
A. I wake up to my name repeated. over and over.
B. You’re somewhere you’ve not ever been. Not on , the lake.
A. Over the loudspeaker. I recognize it.
B. Somewhere else. somewhere.
A. but by now. they’ve found me.
A. More angry than afraid.
A. Almost had it.